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Thinking

“As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to become. Take action on your behaviour. Too many people want to feel, then take action. This never works.”

John Maxwell Art: Freedom

The Uncomfortable Reality of Self-Injury

October 19th, 2008

By Rachel Keranen

Angelina Jolie did it—so did Johnny Depp and Princess Diana. According to recent research studies, between 10-20 percent of college students do it too. Self-injury is an increasing phenomenon in today’s young adult culture, but it’s often misunderstood.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the majority of those who self-injure are adolescents. Risk factors include depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse disorders, eating disorders, and other mental health conditions. Victims of childhood trauma are especially likely to self-injure—those haunted by neglect or abuse often have an impaired ability to control their emotions and behavior.

A common misperception of self-injury is that those who commit it are suicidal. In reality, those who harm themselves are usually not trying to kill themselves, but instead trying to hold their lives together. Everyone has coping mechanisms to let out feelings of hurt, anger, and frustration: some go for a run, some write in their journal, and some throw a temper tantrum. Others, in silent secrecy, choose to take a blade to their skin. The sight of blood swirling down the drain can be as therapeutic to a cutter as a deep tissue massage; and the phrase, “it hurts so good” takes on a new, much more disturbing meaning.

There are many reasons that those who self-injure choose to hurt themselves. In her book A Bright Red Scream, Marilyn Strong writes that self-injury often occurs when the perpetrator feels abandoned or alone. The feelings build until they are unmanageable, and then the act is committed and dissociation is attained. Dissociation is commonly described as a feeling of numbness, a sensation of separation from one’s body. Unable to cope with the chaotic emotions they are experiencing, self-injurers use dissociation to distance themselves from the pain of reality.

A completely opposite motive for self-injury is the feeling of life it brings. Some who cut themselves report that the sight and sensation of bleeding is the only way to prove that they are still alive. For those who are depressed, the pulsating red release can be the sole sign of life in an otherwise gray existence. Some cutters feel that the blood is a symbol of the negative feelings or impurities inside their bodies. By cutting, they are letting the bad blood escape. This idea echoes the historical method of using leeches and bloodletting to cure ailments: once the evil has been evicted, the body can be pure and healthy.

Self-injury can also grant a feeling of power or control. People who have had many of their freedoms and choices taken away turn to the one thing they can control—their bodies. It is interesting, though not surprising, that many women who suffer from eating disorders also self-injure. Both disorders can stem from the need to maintain whatever control they can in a world of perceived powerlessness. In a study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry by Drs. Winchel and Stanley, 35 percent of anorexics and 39 percent of bulimics reported self-injuring.

In the end, self-injury can be a cry for help. While most self-injurer hide their wounds, some are also hoping that someone notices their silent suffrage. Scars, usually on the arms, legs, and torso, may casually flicker in and out of sight. Unable to express emotion in conventional ways, some resort to their bodies as their medium of communication.

The scars left from self-injury can be viewed as burdens or battle wounds. Some self-injurers try to erase their scars with creams or surgical procedures so they can forget their bloody past. Others view their scars as life markers too important to disregard.

While cutting is one of the most well known modes of self-injury, numerous others exist. Other methods include carving, burning, hitting, pulling out hair, biting, and many more. According to the Mayo Clinic, scars, injuries, bruises, frequent “accidents”, the constant carrying of sharp objects (knives and razors, but also paper clips, pins, or pieces of jagged metal), and wearing long sleeves and pants even in hot weather are signs of self-injury.

If someone reveals that they self-injure, or have done so in the past, it’s important to remain supportive. If they are willing to talk, be willing to listen without judgment. Self-injury is unsettlingly common –it occurs in somewhere between 1 in 10 and 1 in 5 college students, and some studies suggest it’s even more frequent than that. By increasing awareness and understanding of the phenomenon, society can give a voice to those who carry silvery secrets and facilitate outward expression rather than inward aggression.

[taken from The Wake]

University of Minnesota Student Magazine

Wordless Wednesday

by aperitif

Im A Cutter

ImACutter.com is a brand new non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with self-injury, cutting, addition, and suicide.


“See they label me a cutter,
but it stables me enough that,
I can make it through the cludder,
but it aint about the cuttin,
its just something about the rush and all the rage involved,
until all the hate is gone the pains resolved,
to waken all the neighbors cuz im bangin on the walls,
all the hatred and entertainment for this nation at war,
i see this world its so much wrong,
ask me why and ill show you why theres no such god, My arm!”
- Mint from Steppin Stone

The poem is from the new website. I've only had a little look around but they seem to have some good information. The only issue I had was that I couldnt access the Forum, but as they are new it may be just a glitch.

My Week

This week, I absolutely refuse to slump into a full blown 'God I hate my life" depression. I can feel it sneaking up, like black fog. I may not be able to control it, but I think I can take steps to minimise the impact. Just pushing myself to a shower and work is a 3hr exercise in 'why bother'

Each day Im going to try to do something for myself. Not spend money (which just gives a flash of satisfaction and leaves me broke) but just do something small, see something unique, 'enjoy' being with others (this one is hard for me, as like a turtle I just retreat) eat something nice.

It may be a futile gesture but Im giving anything a go. Ive been here before and the alternatives suck. If you have any ideas that work for you let me know ... So that is the cunning plan for now.

Depression

by tommyboii

Research

Published 18 November 2008, doi:10.1136/bmj.a2278

Cite this as: BMJ 2008;337:a2278

Hospital admissions for self harm after discharge from psychiatric inpatient care: cohort study

Abstract

Abstract
Introduction
Methods
Results
Discussion
References

Objective To determine the risk of non-fatal self harm in the 12 months after discharge from psychiatric inpatient care.

Design Cohort study based on national hospital episode statistics.

Setting England.

Population Patients aged 16-64 years discharged from psychiatric inpatient care between 1 April 2004 and 31 March 2005 and followed up for one year.

Results 75 401 people were discharged from psychiatric inpatient care over the study period, 4935 (6.5%) of whom were admitted at least once for self harm in the following 12 months. Risk of self harm was greatest in the four weeks after discharge; one third (32%, n=1578) of admissions for self harm occurred in this period. The strongest risk factor for self harm after discharge was admission for self harm in the previous 12 months (hazard ratio 4.9, 95% confidence interval 4.6 to 5.2). The risk of self harm was also higher in females, younger people, those with diagnoses of depression, personality disorders, and substance misuse, and those with short lengths of stay.

Conclusion More than 6% of patients discharged from psychiatric inpatient care are readmitted for an episode of self harm within 12 months, with one third of these episodes occurring in the month after discharge. Self harm after discharge from hospital shares many of the features of suicide after discharge. Interventions should be developed to reduce risk in this period.

Entire Findings Here; BMJ Medical Publication

Fridays Readers Story

Anonymous said...

This one goes out to Daisy who posted on the 5th December 2007.

I hope she sees it.

Daisy, you giving into temptation doesn't make you weak and dumb. I harm mainly for the same reasons as yourself. You feel the need to convert your emotional pain to physical pain where you can truly feel it (at least, that is what I understood from your comment).

I think you should find someone to talk to - be it a good counsellor, a relative or a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend that you can talk openly too, cry in front of, show them the things you've done and trust them with your life - know that they won't tell a soul on this planet unless you tell them to.

OR find a site (such as this one) where you can post regularly and have people try to help you. Sometimes not knowing someone very well makes it easier because they can't tell anyone you know.

As for things at school (i don't know where you live but where I am we have uniforms) but if it is a school where you wear your own clothes and people are saying things about your style - forget them they're scared of what is different from them. If they are saying anything about you at all FORGET THEM! Chances are what they say isn't true. Instead walk right by with your head held high, don't let them see that it gets to you otherwise - they'll keep at you. If it does just try your best not to let it show and they might stop. (if that's the case) If that isn't well I've tried to help you.

This has been long especially as I literally just found this website.

Take care Daisy and try to find someone you can talk to. It really, really helps knowing that you can open up to someone. Anytime you feel the urge to hurt yourself you should try to talk to that someone that I hope you find and can trust.

A lot of this advice goes to anyone in general. Giving into temptation does not make you weak or dumb or stupid! Don't let any one's words affect you and change who you are. Remember - people are only scared of what's different, what's unique and what's extraordinary! Don't let them make you scared of yourself for being a brilliant person.

I hope this (very long!) comment hopes at least one person out there. If it does I'd be ever so happy to know I've helped someone.

Hugs to all those that need/want them =] Be strong and never lose sight of goals you have in life - no matter what.

The people that run this site are doing a brilliant job. Keep it up!
AJ
XoXo

Learning to Love Yourself:

Ideas To Love Yourself

Strip naked (yep, get it ALL off!)
Go stand in front of a full length mirror.
Now, instead of focusing on all those moles, hair patches and love handles…
…concentrate on all the drop dead gorgeous things about yourself.
Yep, it’s bloody hard, but you can do it!
Try three things to start with.
Say them out loud to yourself - and mean it! Things like:
“Addy - my god - you have the cutest smile you’ve ever seen!”
“Look at those nipples, they’re damned awesome, how could anyone not like those?”
“And good god, look at that adorably spankable ass? Absolutely mind blowing,”
See, you’re starting to see yourself differently already…
…now do this everyday, every-single-day!
Adding one more thing each time.
Within a few weeks there’ll be nothing left you don’t love.

[Eliminate the Stigma]

Wordless Wednesday

Self Destruction by Love Me Dont

Outlook

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. "

~John Vance Cheney

An Emergency Box

This is an awesome idea I came across whilst browsing the net one day…and no, it’s not another name for a first aid kit! It’s a box you can whip out in an emergency chock full of happy, fun and exciting things which you can look at to distract yourself from all those self harm urges.

Get yourself a shoe box, gift box, cardboard box, cereal box and cram it full of:

1. Photos of family, loved ones, friends, pets…etc…
2. Crossword Puzzles, word searches, suduko puzzles…
3. CDs of relaxing music…
4. A small journal with pens, colouring pencils and crayons…
5. Letters from family, loved ones, friends, pets…etc…
6. A list of reasons not to self harm…
7. Pictures and magazine clippings you like…
8. Chocolate :p

Basically anything which, upon ripping open that box will make you smile and laugh and feel all gooey inside enough to eradicate those evil self-harm ideas from your head. You see once you’ve got that box in place you can then let others know about it, friends and family who are helping you cope, then this way they can…

1. Hide letters in there which you don’t know about…
2. Secreat little presents in there…
3. Fill it with your favourite candy or sweets…

So then whenever you feel like self harming you can actually end up feeling pretty good instead.

[Thanks to Addy]

Emotional Posts

Are the planets out of whack? Is it to do with the seasons, the tidal flows.?

Ive been wandering blogland today. Its cold and stormy here so I snuggled up with a coffee and read.

So many, at least 80% that Ive read, are going through some emotional turmoil, heartbreak, arguments, moving home. Others are talking of deep issues such as rape, domestic abuse, anorexia.

This isn't from this site, which most are amazingly positive given the topic, but posts by average people trying to get a handle on life issues. Some angry, some sad but all with a high level of emotional purging. Perhaps its the anonymity of the internet, or perhaps its relating to others posting that gives the prompt to write their own. All the commentors on these posts have been positive, understanding and empowering.

I guess I just wanted to say I think your brave and brilliant to write as you do. I admire and envy that. Tis not something Ive allowed myself to do, nor would find easy. And to all those who are reading, relating, offering support how beautiful of you to take the time to acknowledge the pain in another. There are some beautifully strong people out there.....

[*Reposted From Random]

You Are Unique

“Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music.”

–G.Calin
*Thanks to 'Tha' Minx'

Fridays Readers Story

Anonymous said...
I have been self harming for 4 years now. i began because i couldnt cope wih my parents divorce but then stress from other things influenced it too such as exams and family problems.

I met this boy when i was 14 and i managed to stop cutting for 4 months. i thought i was 'in love' but then the relationship got really violent and i started again because i couldnt tell anyone he was hitting me. i was ashamed in what i was doing but got made to feel that i deserved it. in my mind i wasnt good enough for anybody and deserved all i got including self inflicted scars.i saw a support worker for a while and with her help i managed to finish with this boy and eventually get my life back.

i have had many other things going on within the last year such as putting up with my mums drinking and her abusive boyfriend but i blocked this out of my life when i moved to a boarding school in the summer. i thought this allowed me to disconnect myself from my family and start fresh. in january we started a new term and i began to disconnect myself from my life at boarding school too. i would skip meals, and just lock myself in my bedroom, often doing nothing. thinking. cutting.

eventually i cried for help but i was treated as if i wanted attention. all i wanted was help because i knew i needed it. within the last month i have taken 6 overdoses and constantly cut myself.

i dont want to die, i want to stop feeling the way i do. i want to be able to socialise but i cant bring myself to it.all i can think about is harming mysle and alhtough i dont want to, i lose the strength and willpower. i managed to get an appointment with the gp, they want to put me on medication to sort the way im feeling but i just feel as if its too late.

Seven Ways To Distract Yourself

a) The classic “stout rubber band” – i.e.; attach a rubber band around your wrist as if it were a bracelet and when things get tough FLICK IT HARD!! Bloody hurts, doesn’t do any major damage, and you can make it look like you’re just playing/fiddling.

b) Bag of Frozen Peas – hadn’t thought of this one until someone at the hospital mentioned it. Again, when the urge strikes, grab a bag of frozen peas and hold it. Really does hurt more than you think! And again, no damage, awesome.

c) Take a very hot or very cold shower – I’ve done this one a lot, and it really helps (plus, gets you clean – and naked – always a bonus!)

d) Chew something with a very strong taste such as chili or ginger root.

e) Beat the living shit out of a pillow! God this can help relieve stress! I mean it; just spank the living daylights out of the thing. You won’t be harming yourself, or someone else, both bonuses!

f) Distract yourself. It’s a tough one this because when I get into the self-harm mode it’s hard for me to focus on something else, but this does work. Have a bubble bath and read a book, listen to music, dance, sing, jive, boogey, write, something! It’s great if you have a friend to call, give them a ring and just chat about anything, even if they don’t know about the self harm just talking to someone about anything can take your mind off things. Or if they know you self-harm, see if they can come over for a while to help take your mind off things. Most friends are willing to do this if they’re able. You could always check out a list of ways to distract yourself here…

g) Lastly for today, if it’s the blood which you need to see grab yourself a red texta and draw your own wound!

This is best used with one of the other examples above, but maybe not all at the same time, eh?

[Eliminate The Stigma]

(Some) True Confessions of a Self Harmer

Overcoming the urge to self-inflict has been one of the hardest things I have had to deal with through this tumultuous time suffering from depression.As I said above, IT IS AN ADDICTION. Pure and simple!

And anyone who has tried giving up smoking or gambling or Lindt or badgers will know that overcoming addiction is fucking hard! Not only because of the pure level of addiction, but also because it means having to face up to whatever problem is feeding that addiction in the first place. Whatever buried pain is making us smoke, drink or gamble needs to be faced up to. In essence, we need to become whip-wielding dominatrixies in order to tame and eventually command our problems.

To overcome self-harm we, like with every form of mental illness, we need to start talking about it in order to understand it, in order to help people overcome and control their addiction.

So how can you help? If you know someone who self-harms here are a few pointers:
- Whatever they’re doing DON”T take it personally. It isn’t about YOU!

- Be available and LISTEN to them if they need to talk.

- ACKNOWLEDGE their pain, it won’t make it go away, but it will make it more bearable.

- DON’T avoid the subject or pretend it’s not there.

- ASK THEM “I know you hurt yourself and I would like to understand it a little more, could you maybe explain why you do it? I’d be grateful if you could.”

- DON’T confiscate their “tools” (because I guarantee you this will lose their trust and they will just get more creative anyway)

- BELIEVE in them and BE HOPEFUL

- DON’T push them

- TAKE the initiative and distract them; take them to the cinema, rent a DVD, bake some chocolate brownies, go to a trivia night, go for a walk, have a playful pillow or water pistol fight, hell, if they’re your bf or gf, do a seductive strip tease and get them thinking about that cute butt of yours.

- DO spontaneous acts of kindness

- Be available, and willing, to LISTEN if they need to talk.

- EDUCATE yourself

– slip on your Willow hat and hop on the net for some research.

- SUPPORT them physically; call them up and tell them you’re worried about them and invite them over for a game of scrabble or a blueberry muffin.

- SUPPORT them emotionally; go to the Doctor/Psychologist with them.And please, please…whatever you do…

- DO NOT TRY TO MAKE/ORDER THEM TO STOP!!!!!!!!!

If you make them feel guilty, or punish them in any way, this will just add fuel to their addiction.
And please, please, please, please…whatever you do…remember to…

- Take TIME OUT and recuperate, caring/loving someone who suffers from any form of mental illness is exhausting and you need to look after yourself.

Although it’s confronting, brutal and painful to think that people you care about are inflicting this pain on themselves remember that to them it is merely an addiction. A symptom of a larger, possibly unknown illness or condition, and they just need some help and support in order to get them through it.

As we’ve all experienced from time to time: the over-riding feeling of loneliness and emptiness is a powerful influence. It’s time to stop judging people who self harm, and start understanding what they are feeling; it’s the only way to understand their pain.

by Addy


[Eliminate The Stigma]

Journals

It seems to me that those who live with Self Harm, addiction or Mental Health are some of the most creative people I know. Maybe due to life experience, maybe due to introspection, maybe due to their unique view of the world.

I have always kept journals and diarys, some date back to when I was 16. Most reflect where my mind was at any given time, some so black, some with hope, some I look at and think 'my God, did I write that' , some with sketches, some with poetry,but it is my nature to write.

I recommend writing, scrapping,painting, doodling to work through things, but also with caution. Sometimes when we write where we are at, it can be pages of negative thoughts & images, of ourselves and the world. If you constantly go back and read these, you are reinforcing a negative view. Those I have written like this and I can be my worst enemy, I now write often just on a scrap of paper and I put awayin my 'black folder' (symbolic eh), never to be read again. Those thoughts are valid at the time, and I need to get them out but I consiously dont fill my head with them.

I keep a positive journal, I fill it with scraps I find in magazines, quotes from on-line, compliments people have given me. This can be as simple as someone saying 'I like your shirt' gradually and often slowly I fill each book. Ive even asked those close to me to write something positive in it.

Your blog can be an online journal but again caution. Others may read it and reinforce a negative view. Some may read it whom you dont intend, work colleagues, siblings, friends and take the wrong slant on it. Remember the net is a public domain.

If writing is not your forte, paint, draw, its not about being Michaelangelo this is purely for your expression. I did a quick search and here are some sites to get you started;

Soul Collage
Journals & Papers
Facing Us (has an online wellness book)

Self Harm Cycle

And Breathe...

This works for me when the world gets too hectic... just throw my arms back, look up and breathe .... helps put things in perspective & no one can touch me ... What works for you?

Characteristics of True Adulthood

1. Accepts criticism gratefully. Being honestly glad for an opportunity to improve
2. Does not indulge in self-pity. Has begun to feel the laws of compensation operating in all life.
3. Does not expect special consideration from anyone.
4. Controls temper.
5. Meets emergencies with poise.
6. Feelings are not easily hurt.
7. Accepts the responsibility of own acts without trying to "alibi'.
8. Has outgrown the ‘all or nothing’ stage. Recognizes that no person or situation is wholly good or wholly bad. And begins to appreciate the golden rule.
9. Is not impatient at reasonable delays.
10. . Have learned they are not the arbiter of the universe and that must often adjust to other people and their convenience.
11. . Is a good loser can endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.
12. . Does not worry unduly about things he cannot help.
13. . Is not given to boasting or "showing off" in socially unacceptable ways.
14. . Is honestly glad when others enjoy success or good fortune.
15. . Has outgrown envy and jealousy.
16. . Is open-minded enough to listen thoughtfully to the opinions of others.
17. . Is not a chronic 'faultfinder'.
18. . Plans things in advance rather than trusting to the inspiration of the moment.

Fridays Readers Story

Tasha + Kay said...

Hello..
This is just Kayleigh at the moment.

Me and my friend Natasha posted a comment a few mins ago thanking Abby for her kindness..she made me feel safer and happy but now all of that has gone.

Ive just had a phone call off my Nana telling me my cuzans baby girl, Daisy has died. She was 3 weeks old and there wasnt any thing wrong with her. It has took us all by surprise. I loved her to death. My cuzan wanted her to be just like me and it felt like she was the little sister i have always wanted.

Daisy May Lakin..3 Weeks old :(

It might sound like im seeking attention but im not..im seeking answers..answers to help me deal with ANOTHER family death.
There are many questions i want answering but i want the answer to the question evey one in my position wants an answer to..Why me?
Why my family?
What did we ever do?

Nothing!
Thats the answer.
No one can ever do some thing so bad that half there family dies in a year.
My mother is a christian and i was once until all of this. They arnt from my mothers side of the family so she dosent feel the pain ad sad ness but they are still part of my family as they are from my dads side so it will effect me more then her.
Every now and again i become happy, it surprises me until i look down at the gashes in my wrist and across my legs and i then remember why i did it.
Maybe if i didnt self harm i wpuldnt have to marks to remin me so often but whn i dont i feel like i have the world on my shoulders o i self harm to let out all my anger, stress and sadness.

I want answers.!.



Love Kayleigh..x

This post follows Natasha + Kays from last week.

Negative Self-talk & Your Self-esteem

Self image is how we see ourselves, and how we think others see us. Self image plays a HUGE role in how we behave and feel.

Q: What is self esteem?

A: Self-esteem is our internal feelings and evaluation of ourselves based on our "perceived" self-image.

Self-esteem and self image are closely inter-related. And, are largely based on our feedback while growing-up (parents, peers, other important figures).

Fact: it takes about 20 positive statements ABOUT OURSELVES (the foundation of our self-image---self-esteem) to counter-act even just 1 negative personal statement!

Here's the difficult part: it doesn't take a continual repetition of negative statements from our parents, peers, and others throughout our childhood to cause low self-image-self-esteem...fact is, once we get a couple in our head, we can use them over and over again. Again and again we take those false negatives and repeat them unconsciously (completely unaware). It's like having a constant heckler with you.

Can counseling help? Most definitely. Negative self-talk is a big problem that most counselors are able to help with using a cognitive-behavioral counseling approach. We need to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk we're willing to let ourselves accept. You can't draw on a chalkboard if there's an eraser following close behind. That's what negative self-talk is....it erases the good, and replenishes it with bad.

Help For Family Or Friends

Be supportive without reinforcing the behavior.

It's important that your friend, lover, child, sibling know that you can separate who they are from what they do, and that you love them independently of whether they self-injure. Be available as much as you can be. Set aside your personal feelings of fear or revulsion about the behavior and focus on what's going on with the person.

Some good ways of showing support include:

• Don't avoid the subject of self-injury. Let it be known that you're willing to talk, and then follow the other person's lead. Tell the person that if you don't bring the subject up, it's because you're respecting their space, not because of aversion.

• Make the initial approach. "I know that sometimes you hurt yourself and I'd like to understand it. People do it for so many reasons; if you could help me understand yours, I'd be grateful." Don't push it after that; if the person says they'd rather not talk about it, accept this gracefully and drop the subject, perhaps reminding them that you're willing to listen if they ever do want to talk about it.

• Be available. You can't be supportive of someone if you can't be reached.

• Set reasonable limits. "I cannot handle talking to you while you are actually cutting yourself because I care about you greatly and it hurts too much to see you doing that" is a reasonable statement, for example. "I will stop loving you if you cut yourself" isn't reasonable if your goal is to keep the relationship intact.

• Make it clear from your behavior that the person doesn't need to self-injure in order to get displays of love and caring from you. Be free with loving, caring gestures, even if they aren't returned always (or even often). Don't withdraw your love from the person. The way to avoid reinforcing SIV is to be consistently caring, so that taking care of the person after they injure is nothing special or extraordinary.

• Provide distractions if necessary. Sometimes just being distracted (taken to a movie, on a walk, out for ice cream; talked to about things that have nothing to do with self-injury) can work wonders. If someone you care about is feeling depressed, you can sometimes help by bringing something pleasant and diverting into their lives. This doesn't mean that you should ignore their feelings; you can acknowledge that they feel lousy and still do something nice and distracting. (This is NOT the same as trying to cajole them out of a mood or telling them to just get over it -- it's an attempt to break a negative cycle by injecting something positive. It could be as simple as bringing the person a flower. Don't expect your efforts to be a permanent cure, though; this is a simple improve-the-moment technique.)

• If you live apart from the person you're concerned about, offer physical safe space: "I'm worried about you; would you come sleep over at my house tonight?" Even if the offer is declined, just knowing it's there can be comforting.

• Don't ask "Is there anything I can do?" Find things that you can do and ask "Can I ?" People who feel really bad often can't think of anything that might make them feel better; asking if you can take them to a movie or wash those (month-old) dishes (if done nonjudgmentally) can be really helpful. Spontaneous acts of kindness ("I saw this flower at the store and knew you'd love to have it") work wonders.

[Read More]

Quote

“I watch out my window as the planes take off into space. Oh, that I could fly away and start fresh. But I must realize that fresh starts also come in the pretty wrapped gift called 'tomorrow.'”

[Anonymous]

Guidelines for ...

the
Management of
Deliberate Self Harm

Published by:
Australasian College for Emergency Medicine (ACEM) and
The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists (RANZCP)
May 2000

16 Page pdf file

Why We Self Injure

Not everyone self-injures for the same reason. Many of us even have more than one reason for doing it. Here are listed some of the more common reasons. There are others that may not be listed here, of course.

To deal with unbearable emotions.
Because we were never taught (or allowed) to express feelings in a healthier way.
To punish ourselves for not being good enough, smart enough, fast enough.
To help prevent ourselves from feeling emotional pain.
For the scars: To "mark" oursleves with our failures and successes.
To get "high".
To feel something.
Because we are addicted and feel we have to.

To deal with unbearable emotions.
I think that this is the most common reason why we self-injure. We seem to be more sensitive than the average person, and so emotions that would cause them to "boil over" or "shut down" become absolutly unbearable when placed within ourselves. Not having been born with pressure release valves atop our heads, our self-injury is the fastest and easiest method for us to use to lessen these extreme emotions.

Because we were never taught (or allowed) to express feelings in a healthier way.
Maybe we grew up in abusive homes. Maybe our parents were "solid rocks" in the face of stress. Maybe they painted everything a happy shade and ignored the darker colours of the spectrum. In some way those of us who fit in this group were short-changed emotionally. No one taught us healthy release for all our emotions. Maybe we didn't have the laughter, maybe there were never any tears, maybe we never learned just what to do with anger. One day we self-injured (either accidentally or on purpose) and it lessened the pressure of those emotions which we were bottled up inside of us. Hence the cycle began.

To punish ourselves for not being good enough, smart enough, fast enough.
I have seen this in many professionals and overacheivers, and to a lesser extent in other self-injurers as well. Most of us in this group grew up in strict homes, many of us had overbearing perfectionists for parents. Some of us were abused or severly punished for no reasons at all, or for reasons we never really understood. We don't feel adequate. We don't feel that we can be "good enough". Most everything we do is wrong, and we feel we must be punished for it. In short, we feel we must "pay the price" for our inadequecies.

To help prevent ourselves from feeling emotional pain.
Often we self-injure to mute our emotional pains. By focusing on the physical actions of self-injuring, and then dealing with the physical pain of the injury, we can push aside the emotional hurt for awhile, or even forget it entirely. Almost all self-injurers occassionally fall into this category, I think.

For the scars: To "mark" oursleves with our failures and successes.
Some people don't consider this self-injury, but I do. Mainly because once the addiction begins to take us over we will do anything to repeat it, any excuse that seems reasonable to our subconscious. and self-injury of this sort is just as addictive as any other type. I know ladies who get a piercing everytime a bioyfriend leaves them, men who get a tattoo for every pay raise and new car. I think it's self-injury of a different sort. These people don't realise what they're doing, because their self-injury is more "socially acceptable". Maybe the guy with 24 facial piecings gets weird looks, but no one draws him aside and suggest hospital stays and medications, no one believes that he's going to kill himself or die trying. I have also met self-injurers who cut their forearms and legs to mark "successes" or "failures". It's even been rumoured that Christian Slater (popular U.S. actor) scars himself with cutting to mark the "important stages" of his life. In rare cases I suppose you could even find someone who burns or brands to mark themselves.

To get "high".
Self-injury, blood loss, and pain all cause chemical reactions in your brain. This chemical reaction causes a sort "high" in many people. Some self-injurers become addicted to this giddy, invincible feeling, and continue self-injuring to get this feeling.

To feel something.
Sometimes the sheer "nothingness" becomes too much too handle. Those of us who fit in this group have a lack of emotion. We don't feel much of anything, and what we do feel is very muted. This often results from a mood disorder, psychiatric medications, or traumatisation. Those in this group self-injure to feel something, to them anything, even pain, is better than feeling nothing at all.

Because we are addicted and feel we have to.
As mentioned, self-injury does cause chemical reactions in the brain (pretty much anything that deals with emotions does), and it's easy to become addicted to the "highs". However, it is also easy to become addicted to the "lows" of self-injury. We self-injure so often and for such deep reasons that it becomes like a cancer. We begin scratching as children, are biting as teens, and cutting by adulthood. The self-injury is the only way we know how to "cope" and so we begin to use it more and more often to help us get through life.

Written by Kharres.

Weekly Update (sorry make that two weeks :)

It has been an emotionally draining week and my mind is full of self doubt. Of my own abilities, my motivations, what drives me.

I write 5 websites, each dealing with specific areas eg, one personal, one private, one on my Great Dane dogs, one on children. This one I write gets the least comments, the least feedback but the one I am most passionate about.

Does anyone even read it, I just dont know, should I continue it? Why am I? Is it of interest to anyone? or just a random collection of information that no body reads? Does anyone really care that children and many adults are hurting and coping in anyway they can or is it only those who the butterfly of self harms wings have touched who care. These are the thoughts that fill my mind but ones I have no answer for.