The Great I Am's

The day has gone pear-shaped, you feel crap and tomorrow isn't likely to get any better. So what to do .... turn to the Great I Am's of course.

I usually do this first thing in the morning but it works anytime during the day - and why limit yourself to just once. It is a great idea to write them down but you certainly don't have to.

So what are the Great I Am's? They are statements that start with "I am......". There is only two guidelines - they must be true, they need to be positive. And the only recommendation is to try not to use the same one's each and every time.

Want some ideas?

• I am a person
• I am a woman/man
• I am worthy
• I am special
• I am capable
• I am happy
• I am a brunette/blond
• I am Australian/American/Canadian/English
• I am tall/short
• I am a person with blue/brown/green eyes
• I am intelligent
• I am talented
• I am a good friend
• I am beautiful
• I am alive
• I am loved
• I am lovable
• I am 22/23/24/100.... years old
• I am valuable
• I am employed
• I am vibrant
• I am energetic
• I am a sister/brother/mother/father/aunt/uncle
• I am sporty
• I am artistic
• I am .... well you get the idea.

None of these need to be 'big' statements, they just need to be true. I try and come up with groups of 5 each time but that is just a personal choice.

If things are so bad that you don't think you can come up with anything then focus on "I am Alive" and "I Am A Person".

A & E

It is estimated that around 170,000 people each year deliberately harm themselves. Of these, around 80,000 of those who attend the casualty department never receive a phychological assessment or follow-up. This is despite the fact that the risk of committing suicide after self-harming is 100 times greater than the average risk in the rest of the population.

You'd think that self harmers would be 'in safe hands' at hostpial, but there is growing concern and evidence (and I can back this up with personal experience) that self harmers sometimes receive a poorer standard of NHS care than other patients that were deemed to have sustained their injuries by accident. Self harmers are classified with drug addicts, drunks, glue sniffers and other groups who are in the same vicious cycle of tranquilizing their anxiety by inflicting harm and pain to themselves.

There is a deep seated feeling among some health care staff that self harmers of all kinds, clog the system, and consume resources that should be allocated to the 'deserving'. Charactistically, this goes with a general lack of patience when dealing with self harmers, right alongside the sarcastic or cutting remarks, that demean the self harmer, and sap their already low self esteem. Indeed, Professor Paul Lelliott, the director of the Royal College of Psychiatrists Research Unit, is reported as saying; "There are still examples of people having wounds stitched without anaesthetic, the idea being 'well you cut yourself without anaesthetic, so why should we use it?'"How barbaric is that??

This is not to say this sort of thing happens in all hospitals, and is not representative of the feelings of all staff. Many casualty staff are highly sympathetic and understand there is an underlying cause to the actions of a self harmer, which may require the efforts of other fields of medicine to resolve.

[taken from: Distant Healer.Co.UK]

This Week At

Post Secret

What Does Confidential Actually Mean?

Many professionals, such as doctors, nurses, teachers, psychologists, counsellors, social workers or youth workers offer confidential help and advice to young people. This means that you can tell them things in secret and they will not pass the information on to anyone else.

However, in some situations, the law says that they have to protect you by sharing this information with an appropriate person such as your parents, guardian or GP. This is called their duty of care.

Duty of care applies to people of all ages but if you're under 18 your well-being also comes under the laws of child protection.

This means a professional might not be able to keep all the things you tell them confidential if they think

• you might be suicidal


• you might accidentally harm yourself more seriously than you mean to


• you might harm yourself in a way that could cause permanent damage to your body


• someone is sexually or physically abusing you
  
• someone is harming you in some other unacceptable or illegal way.
  

If you plan to talk to a professional, and are worried about confidentiality, ask them about this before you tell them about your self-harm.

[taken from SH.Org.UK]

Nobody's Victim!

I decided before my teens that I was nobodies victim (although I didn't know that terminology). No-one would touch me, physically or emotionally. I would never be used, my barriers were stone. I faced everyone and everything with strength and confidence. Like waves of heat the 'Don't f*ck with me' attitude proceeded and coloured everything I did. No, I was far from a victim, I had a strength that left even I in awe at times ...

but this strength was outward, a shield perhaps, inside I was dying. As fast as I was trying to heal, I was inwardly killing myself.

In recovery the greatest gift I have allowed myself is to develop inward strength, to be ... this is not a short, quick- fix process. Google self help, and the net crawls with books, offers. Louise Hayes and crew make me puke, but I couldn't have done it alone and its probably taken 10yrs of work. It's hard to explain but my greatest battle is always with myself & what an opponent I can be. I had to choose to live & if I was to do that I needed help.

I'm am never anybodys victim, god I hate that word still. I am me! To say I'm a victim negates all I am, have done & have yet to do. It dis-empowers those who are strong. It holds me back in my childhood, says that is all I am or will ever be. It keeps me emotionally frozen in time. In getting inner strength one step of it is taking responsibility, for my past, present and future. One of my greatest lessons was to learn not to be reactive, but develop coping skills before lifes dramas hit me. It was to take responsibility for myself & the future I deserved.

So don't ever call me a victim ...

[Image: Fencing the hand of fate by ~pyzafive]

Friday Reader's Story

Instead of Fridays Reader's story I have posted Lynse story from her blog, she hopes others relate.

To most the thought of harming yourself would be so outlandish that you would look at me like I was crazy if I told you that it makes sense to me.

I am choosing to write about this because there is such a need around this generation to bring light and truth to the fact that a lot of this generation is stuck in the rut of Self Injury. It is a painful place to be and takes a lot to get past. It is a dark place to get stuck. And as statistics are showing there are a lot of people stuck there.

So I want to share my story……

I started “cutting” when I was 13. I don't fully remember how I was introduced to it, but within a few days had taken root in my life. The pain that was so deep inside of me was killing me. I was allowing myself to die emotionally. It was a fight that I didn't want to take place but had no idea of how to stop it. It seemed meaningless to fight to keep them alive when i viewed them as the things that were causing me so much pain.

So my only solution to make sure that I was not dying totally was to hurt myself. To feel the pain on the outside assured me that i was still alive. That there was still hope. At least that it how it all started. It started out of my desire for hope. For some feeling to let me know that I was alive. That I could still feel something. That one day maybe I would feel again.

Soon it became an addiction. I had my way of doing it. I had my “ritual.” The when and how. within 2 months it had moved past the need for hope. My body and mind were addicted to the feeling. To the release that it gave me. My rage towards myself and other people had grown so much that I didnt know how to release it. And I thought this was a good way.

As time went on whether I had a bad day or not I had to cut. I had to do it each night before I went to bed. It calmed me enough to rest and go to sleep. (and about addiction, still to this day if I experience intense pain I get tired because my mind was trained to go to sleep after pain.)

I share this because I know that there are people who are in this rut. And honestly, it breaks my heart. Because being on the other side of this “journey” for hope I have found that the only hope that there is is in Christ. I know, i sound super spiritual….but it is true.

The only way that i could figure that out was to get to the darkest part of my life. I was in such darkness. I had been cutting for 4 years and no one knew. I had a secret. And it was a dark dark place to be in, full of pain and the desire to get caught in hope that someone could help me. I was tired of the darkness. And the only solution i knew was to come clean. To get someone in my head and share the journey with.

This was key for me. To let someone in and know the pains and the hurts. I knew that if I let this remain in the darkness it would grow bigger and bigger and the thing that once started in the search for hope was driving me further and further away from it.

The person I went to had no idea what to say. She often looked at me dumbfounded. the thought of doing that to herself was so absurd that she couldnt understand, but she listened. She was determined to help me in any ways she could, even though she didnt understand.

You cant wait until you understand to help someone. And this is what I see happening. So many people know people who self injure and are trying to learn why they do it. Each person has their story. And if you ask, I am sure they will share. It is a very dangerous thing to get into. You may not realize the roots that it can create in your life. But I would encourage you to share your story with someone.

But without sounding like a public service announcement, if you self injure or know someone who does please please please let someone in. Let someone into your darkness. It will hurt at first. It will be uncomfortable. It will be embarrassing. But if you live in the darkness alone your life will never change. Let someone in and bring the light into your pain.

Find your hope.

This is a post by Lynes and she has given permission for others to post it, to raise awareness and promote understanding of self harm. I personally thank her for sharing her story and the compassion she shows for others healin.... Abz

*In no way does Random endorse Christianity or any other form of religion

Media

Lesbians more likely to self-harm

Britain’s lesbian and bisexual women are significantly more likely to self-harm and to abuse drink and drugs than the wider female population, a major new study has revealed.
Matt Aston

18 June 2008

The research, conducted by De Montfort University and Sigma Research, also found that its 6,000 lesbian and bisexual respondents faced exclusion from routine testing for cervical cancer.

The study suggests that the National Health Service is failing to identify specific healthcare needs among Britain’s 1.8 million lesbians, with half reporting a recent negative experience.

The NHS is also failing to address specific mental health needs that many women still experience as a result of discrimination.

In February, Health Secretary Alan Johnson spoke about eradicating just this kind of health inequality, saying that “genuine equality will be achieved not by providing the same service for everyone but by delivering the same outcome for everyone, recognising the diverse needs of different communities and individuals and responding appropriately to those needs.

”The complete version of this story appears in the new copy of the Pink Paper, available from 26 June.

Source: news.PinkPaper.com

The Stages of Change Model

Preparing for eventually reducing or stopping self-harming:

The Stages of Change model researched and constructed by Prochaska and others, describes the processes that people go through to achieve behavioural change, particularly in relation to health habits – smoking, drinking etc. It’s an interesting model, based on the findings of how thousands of people managed without professional help to free themselves from addictions and other ingrained behavioural patterns.

The importance of this model is that there are 5 very distinct stages in the process of change, and we need to recognise and respond to the particular stage we’re in. The stages are:

1. pre-contemplation – when we don’t realise there’s a problem, let alone what the solution might be

2. contemplation – we start to think about changing the habit, but are still very ambivalent

3. preparation – OK – we’re serious now! We’ve made the decision to kick whatever unhealthy stuff we’re doing, and are making realistic, careful plans for how to achieve this

4. action – yup – action. Doing it. No putting it off but getting stuck into improving our lives by losing the crap that’s impeding us.

5. maintenance – the real challenge! Sticking to it for years, for ever. Too tough to imagine in the early, day, or hour at a time stages, but it’s heartening to read all the stories about those who have achieved this.

Recognising these stages, and where we are in relation to them, can be incredibly helpful in being able to move towards stopping self-harming. It can, for example, be tempting one day to galvanise enough emotional strength to impulsively decide to stop. “That’s it. It’s doing too much damage. It can only get worse and harder to stop. It will be hard but somehow I’ll do it.” Etc etc. The trouble with relatively spontaneous, or certainly under-prepared decisions to stop is that they’re unlikely to succeed or be sustainable. It really is preferable to move from contemplating change to actively and thoroughly preparing for it. By identifying which stage of change we’re in, we’re much, much more likely to be successful in achieving this.

[taken from: Bright Place.Org]

What Do You Want?

The first step to getting the things you want out of this life is this: Decide what you want.

Ben Stein

Resilience & Strength

I read alot of blogs, papers, publications and its easy to be overwhelmed by others story's & traumas. I have been trying to think of positives of my own situation, it would be easy for me to slip back into the black spiral of negativity. I think, with some time up, I can look back at the character traits I have and see positives. Strength has always been my mantra but the one I want to focus on is
Dictionary:
resilience (rĭ-zĭl'yəns)
n.
The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy.
The property of a material that enables it to resume its original shape or position after being bent, stretched, or compressed; elasticity.

Now in 1990, they coined the phrase

Psychological resilience as a term used in psychology to describe the capacity of people to cope with stress and catastrophe. It is also used to indicate a characteristic of resistance to future negative events. This psychological meaning of resilience is often contrasted with "risk factors".

This may seem like the last attribute one would have with my background, I'm hardly superwoman but having lived it, lived through it, and grown stronger I think I'm like cracked china, each little repair making me stronger and able to face what lies ahead. Each new strategy I've learnt is like superglue holding that tea cup together, till I'm stronger than the original would ever have been. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but without my life history I would not have the insight into myself, have the resilience & strength I now do. It makes sense to me ... :)

I guess that what I'm trying to say, is while you are caught in the spiral, secrecy, shame, guilt or one of the many negative feelings, thoughts or words. Lets face it, it feels like shit! In there though you have an untold, often unrecognised resilience. To cope by cutting, SHing takes an inner strength, if you can tune into that energy and recognise it, you have a resilience of your own that hopefully will shine.

Wordless Wednesday - Alone

Source

Website

Secret Shame is probably the best site, I've found about SH on the net, any questions you can imagine are answered including an in-depth section for family or friends. It is also the home of the Bodies Under Siege (BUS) mailing list, where you can find support from fellow self-injurers. This page is maintained by Deb/Sine Nomine. I hope to feature some of her work at a later date.

' You Are NOT The Only One ' ...

Bill Of Rights For People Who Self Harm

Preamble
An estimated one percent of Americans use physical self-harm as a way of coping with stress; the rate of self-injury in other industrial nations is probably similar. Still, self-injury remains a taboo subject, a behavior that is considered freakish or outlandish and is highly stigmatized by medical professionals and the lay public alike.

Self-harm, also called self-injury, self-inflicted violence, or self-mutilation, can be defined as self-inflicted physical harm severe enough to cause tissue damage or leave visible marks that do not fade within a few hours. Acts done for purposes of suicide or for ritual, sexual, or ornamentation purposes are not considered self-injury. This document refers to what is commonly known as moderate or superficial self-injury, particularly repetitive SI; these guidelines do not hold for cases of major self-mutilation (i.e., castration, eye enucleation, or amputation).

Because of the stigma and lack of readily available information about self-harm, people who resort to this method of coping often receive treatment from physicians (particularly in emergency rooms) and mental-health professionals that can actually make their lives worse instead of better. Based on hundreds of negative experiences reported by people who self-harm, the following Bill of Rights is an attempt to provide information to medical and mental-health personnel. The goal of this project is to enable them to more clearly understand the emotions that underlie self-injury and to respond to self-injurious behavior in a way that protects the patient as well as the practitioner.

The Bill of Rights for Those who Self-Harm

• The right to caring, humane medical treatment.
• The right to participate fully in decisions about emergency psychiatric treatment (so long as no one's life is in immediate danger).
• The right to body privacy.
• The right to have the feelings behind the SI validated.
• The right to disclose to whom they choose only what they choose.
• The right to choose what coping mechanisms they will use.
• The right to have care providers who do not allow their feelings about SI to distort the therapy.
• The right to have the role SI has played as a coping mechanism validated.
• The right not to be automatically considered a dangerous person simply because of self-inflicted injury.
• The right to have self-injury regarded as an attempt to communicate, not manipulate.

Bill Of Rights For People Who Self Harm

[Full Document]

© 1998-2001 Deb Martinson. Reprint permission granted with proper credit to author.

Image: Octupus Dancing by *Widyantara

Changing the Thoughts

Feeling good about yourself (even on the bad days) can take some work but that doesn't mean that it has to be hard work or even that it will take a long time to achieve. It all starts with changing the conversations you have with yourself (or self-talk). To put it another way, it is silencing that voice in your head that says you aren't worthy, that no-one likes you, that no-one will understand, that no-one cares. It is the voice that knows your worst secrets and uses them against you.

If you listen to that voice for long enough, you start to believe what it is saying.

So where do you start in changing the conversation?

A good way is to become your own best friend. This means talking to yourself in the same way that you would talk to your best friend. Imagine that your best friend came to you feeling upset about something - perhaps the way they look, how they went in an exam, something that a friend had said to them, etc.

How would you react? Would you have a go at them, and tell them how completely ugly and stupid they are, or what a loser they are? Most likely, you would listen to them, try to help them change their situation, or look at it differently. And you'd try to convince them that they really are OK, even though they may not feel good about themselves at the moment.

Now think about how you would treat yourself if you were in that situation. How would things be different?

To start with, you would probably be much kinder and fairer on yourself. You would see yourself in a balanced way, and you wouldn't focus on and exaggerate your perceived flaws. If you made mistakes you would forgive yourself without putting yourself down. If someone treated you badly you would stick up for yourself, and not tell yourself that there must be something wrong with you. You would also spend more time encouraging yourself, and accept that you are not perfect, while knowing that neither is anyone else.

When your friends come to you with a problem you probably often help them by pointing out other perspectives on their situation. Without even being aware of it, you probably often help your friends to challenge their negative self-talk by logically arguing against it (e.g. 'Yes, but you're good at lots of other things! ...You didn't do well because you didn't study - not because you're dumb!').

The secret is to do this for yourself as well. And if need be fake it until you make it. It sounds silly but try standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself the opposite of what the voice is "I am beautiful", "I am loved", "I can do it" and even if you don't believe it as first, try to act as if it was true.

It takes some practice, but it is worth the effort.

Reference: Reach Out!

Responding to a Child’s Self-Injury

“Those are burns?”
“Why would you do that?”
“You don’t just go and burn yourself. What were you thinking?”

From any parent’s perspective, this situation would be extremely difficult. A child chooses to cut, hit, burn, or somehow intentionally hurt herself. It’s disturbing and confusing. Questions fire through your mind as you struggle to understand how this could be possible. You wrestle to recover, but the jab of those initial raw emotions spill out.

Like any parent, you hope your children won’t turn to self-injury. Can you prevent it? Or if a child is already involved in self-injury, can you change its course?

Possibly.

Can you at least make a difference?
Definitely.

You can nurture an atmosphere of relationship, conversation, openness, and safety. You can convey you are someone they can confidently go to with her deepest thoughts, hurts, fears, and anxieties.
To begin:
1. Watch for ways you can model how to cope through challenging circumstances.

2. Mend the relationship as soon as possible when you’ve responded in a quick or hurtful way.

3. Daily encourage and value your child’s expression of thoughts and emotions.

4. Listen well, with compassion and without judgment.

5. Be patient and let their story unfold without asking why.

6. Realize she/he might not tell you everything at once, and be okay with that.

7. Keep your own emotions in check and, if necessary, communicate thoughts later after you’ve had time to think things through.

8. Be trustworthy in how you handle information shared in confidence.

9. Involve her/him in the decision when you need to bring professionals or others into the situation (for depression, anxiety, or possible serious emotional disorders).

10. Remove your child from abusive situations and environments.

Children struggling would feel encouraged by an open, warm response. Instead of despair cloaking their days, they might begin to feel hope. They no longer have to feel trapped or alone or stuck in the cycle of self-injury. As they open up, talk and connect with family or the community, they’ll become aware they are moving toward healthy ways to cope. A day without self-injury will feel possible. Then a year, then a life.

It’s a process. It takes time.
And, more importantly, it takes you.

[Full article]

This Week At

Post Secret

Afirmations 101

One of the ways to change negative, self-defeating attitudes about yourself is to begin to say affirmations....

The word 'affirm' means to 'assert to be true'.

Initially you may find that saying positive things about yourself difficult to do as your ego will want to continue with the negative self-defeating thinking you have had up to now in your life....and in a sense your ego has a vested interest in continuing to 'be right' and won't want to change the way you think about yourself.

An indication of this is that you may notice some resistance when you first read over or speak a positive affirmation. Know, that the resistance that surfaces is an indication of the degree of work that is ahead for you in order to change your current negative self-defeating patterns of thinking and attitudes.

Therefore it can be useful to preface an affirmation with
"I am willing to
e.g .... love myself....."
as this doesn't seem to create the same level of resistance as saying for example
"I love myself...."

A reminder to you is that the most important or 'core relationship' in your life starts with the relationship you have with yourself. It is a tragedy to go through life having a negative relationship with yourself. As I have been known to say, when speaking about self-esteem, 'like it or lump it', who you are is who you are.

Be open to giving the affirmations 'a go', ...know that it does take some practice to change your old negative patterns of thinking but when you do you will find that the way you experience yourself and your life will improve for the better.

[taken in part: Creative Wellness]

Publication

This 11 page guide is for adults who have engaged in self-harm. It informs them of the best possible assessment, treatment and support and what to expect of services intended to reduce self-harm and its related suffering.

Australian treatment guide for consumers and carers (PDF 323kb)

[The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists: Melbourne 2005]

Funded by Australia’s National Mental Health Strategy and New Zealand’s Ministry of Health .

This guide is a research-based clinical practice guideline based on a thorough review of the medical and related literature. It was written in association with people who had recovered from self-harm and those working with them. The authors were also members of an expert committee developing a Clinical Practice Guideline for mental health professionals chaired by Prof Philip Boyce, Professor of Psychiatry.

If you are having difficulty downloading the PDF document, please email mentalhealth@health.gov.au and they will arrange for a copy to be sent to you.

A Flow Diagram Of Two Theories Of Self-injury.

Hyperstress: an overload that occurs when stressful events pile up and stretch the limits of a person's adaptability .

Dissociation: Dissociation is a psychological state or condition in which certain thoughts, emotions, sensations, or memories are separated from the rest of the psyche. For this reason, it is sometimes referred to as "splitting."

Quote

' The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are ever after secure in your ability to survive.'

J.K. Rowling

Self Injury Is Functional?

"We must understand that in the trauma survivor, self injury is functional. It always performs some deep, underlying function. Most generally, it’s an attempt to ward off worse harm."– David Calof

Tonight when I read this quote it was the first that resonated for me personally. I suffered a trauma at 11 and left for dead. After the hospitalisation & police investigations ended, my parents solution was to move us from the city & it was not to be spoken of again . Life was good, new home, school, family, horse and dog.

At 13-14 I remember I was in an out of control rage, against myself, family anyone near me. I was destructive, violent, smashing things, threatening others, running away being returned. I began carrying a knife (I still have that habit to this day) I liked that people feared me but I was also frightened of what I was capeable of. I had no way to control what I was feeling ,this rage, let alone understand it. It was raw & pure. I still don't know what triggered it. It alienated my father, who hasnt spoken to me to this day & confused my brothers who loved me.

My parents and the system inflicted school counsellors, psychiatrists, hospitalisations for violence and failed suicides. However I learnt that hurting myself stopped that anger, lessened it, dulled it. It stopped me reacting instantly (if that makes sense) .... It stopped the outward, out of control rage, it stopped me hurting others ...

Until I read that quote I never thought of it as functional or an attempt to ward of greater harm but in reflection thats what it was. At the time I thought I was the only one that was aware. Like the initial trauma, it was something that became not spoken of, secret, shameful. Counsellors all liked the change in me, (I stopped being emotionally honest and faked calm) they and my parents each patted themselves on the back and happily wrote me off as cured. My self destructive life had begun.

It occured to me tonight that after being hurt at 11, I then spent over 20 years hurting myself ... what an incredible price to pay...

ps... the quote is from Cavalcade has specialized in producing training videos for therapists and other professionals working with clients who have a history of psychological trauma.

Friday Reader's Story ...

Anonymous said...

I am a 29 year old male. A cutter since 13 Years old. The thought that this is a girls problem is false. One aspect of cutters is that they hide it. Boys and men more often will hide this sometimes for life, the reason is shame based. I am trying to stop at this point. This is a real problem for compulsive people like myself. The last time I cut mixed with extreme emotion and alcohol I woke up with 60 stitches in the psych ward. Thanks for the time ...

[Written: November 22, 2007]

Media

Generation ‘Whine’ And Other Self-harm Myths

By Jenny Lloyd - posted Thursday, 19 June 2008

ON LINE OPINION- Australia's e-journal of social & political debate

Perhaps you already care about self-harm. You wrote your worries on your body one night, too empty to feel much as you sought to tell others what you couldn’t explain to yourself. You covered up more than wounds with bandages and wore winter clothing on summer days as a talisman against shame.

You tried it once because you wanted to feel alive, and when you tried to stop, your mind declared otherwise. You replaced one kind of pain with another, which felt a lot like self-help, and the logic of your universe came undone.

Or perhaps you've never cared about self-harm, maybe you just read about it, and became interested in the lore of “cutting culture” - how it is a fad promoted by the “emo” subculture, how it is all about attention-seeking, all about suicidal intent, all about manipulation, how it drove some kid in America to shoot his classmates. Perhaps you don't care about self-harm at all.

Well, now would be a good time to start.

Young people who self-harm* provoke plenty of vilification, but not enough care. Figures published recently by The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) show that hospitalisation for self-harm among people aged 12 to 24 has risen by 43 per cent in 10 years.

But while the jump is disturbing, so too is the hidden number of young people who self-harm but don’t seek help, silent casualties of moral panic and mental health stigma. Ignorance has allowed self-harm to become something ridiculed and taboo, something to talk about in whispers, with cynical sneers. Much is said about self-harm; very little of that is true.

So let's clear up a few misconceptions. Self-harm is not a fashion statement. It is not about exploiting the goodwill of others in order to be noticed. It does not “cause” homicidal behaviour, unless you are a darkly imaginative journalist with a penchant for attention-grabbing sensationalism..........

Read complete article here ...

Plumb - Cut

I first heard this on Hope-Faith-Love. She has the lyrics on her site and I found the words strong and powerful. HFL also writes such emotive poetry that I relate to, I feel that she could be a lyricist herself .. ... the art used on this clip is my kind of thing. I have always been drawn to angels, black, dark, creative & theatrical. Anyway, I hope you enjoy ...

Wordless Wednesday

Image:Self Harm - Part Six by *maryana01

It's All About The Attitude!

' And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. '

Anais Nin

Lucy Macdonald

Alternatives

Harming yourself is not the only way to cope with your feelings. Here are some of the ideas other young people have come up with to find different ways of coping. Some may work for you! A lot depends on thinking about why you are self harming. People often harm themselves because they can find no other way to relieve a feeling of being overwhelmed by intense emotions.

These emotions commonly fall into five groups:

Anger and frustration : Feeling so wound up and annoyed that you want to scream and shout. (in this case animals would claw at themselves).

Low self esteem (punishment): Feeling so undervalued and low that you want to harm and feel you may even deserve it.

Dissociation : Feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on around, you want to escape or distract yourself by making a louder metaphorical noise.

Control and focus : Feeling that so much is out of your control that the only thing that you can control is the harm you inflict on yourself.

Self nurture : Feeling unreal and needing to harm to know you exist, or to help yourself heal.

Young people have suggested alternatives to the emotions above. Ive chosen to focus on anger today, I will post on the other emotions at a later date or you can use the link above.

Anger/ frustration

Try screaming/ crying/ hugging someone. No way was anyone hugging me!, though I have heard of a woman screaming beside train tracks as the train goes past.

Try having a cold shower. My personal fave

Try biting on something like a lemon to give you a sharp sensation.

Try exercising, going for a walk/ run. One of my first strategies with rage was to run, one of my best, however it also put me at risk. I would run at night and I often found myself lost (day or night). I would count my paces (screaming them in my head) & it would physically exhaust me. It helps if someone will pick you up when the rage/urge has passed & your runned out

Try hitting something not alive, for example a pillow or punch bag. I have tried belting a bed with a broom, but I think it was the combined screaming that made this effective.

Perhaps talking to the object you are hitting, explaining what's wrong. I found swearing my insides out rather than explaining worked.

Try making a soft cloth doll, rip/cut it up to represent how you feel instead of doing it to yourself. ??? Never tried this one..if someone has let me know. although i have ripped soft toys apart (you can get them cheap at the op-shop)

Try listening to loud/ angry music, dance/ sing along. Still works for me, but not in initial stages

Try dropping ice into a bath or throwing it against a wall so it shatters, or hit a tree with a stick. You could also slash up a plastic bottle, flatten cans for recycling.

Try making clay models to smash.

Try squeezing silly putty then stretching it until it snaps.

Try talking to someone. Personally I couldnt 'talk' at these times.

[taken from:www.lcet.org]

my comments in red

Quote

"We must understand that in the trauma survivor, self injury is functional. It always performs some deep, underlying function. Most generally, it’s an attempt to ward off worse harm."

– David Calof

Affirmation

' Im willing to trust a few. '

Negative Self Talk - Become Aware

This is the second part of Negative Self Talk (the first is here). Where we looked at what it is ... basically that little voice inside us that runs us down.

There are many ways to free ourselves from negative self-talk. For some, the best step may be to work with a good therapist or counselor. Others may just need to pay attention to the negative self-talk and use some of the suggestions provided here. Support groups (in person or online) may also be beneficial.

STEP ONE: Become aware of it.

Start paying attention how you talk to yourself and how your present yourself to others.

• Do you belittle yourself?


• Are you critical of your body, mind, skills or abilities?


• Do you speak negatively about yourself to others?


• Do you say unkind things about yourself before someone else can beat you to it?


• Do you stop yourself from doing or trying things you want to do because you think you won't be good at it, might fail, or embarrass yourself?


• Do you stop yourself from trying things because there's always someone who's better than you?


• Listen to the negative things you tell yourself, and start to question their validity.

Don't stress about doing something about it. This is about just becoming aware, tuning in to what your saying, catching yourself out. When I first attempted this I would wear a rubberband and 'ping' myself for each negative thought, ... I sure started listening to myself then ... lol, Write them down if that helps. I didn't find it easy at first.

And does your little thought sneak out and get a voice? If someone pays you a compliment or says you are good at something do you react in the negative? perhaps say 'Oh no anyone can do that' or if they say your top/jeans/etc look good on you do you say something like 'Oh this old thing' or it 'makes my butt big' .STOP, (smile) it took me a long time to just say 'Thank you' ... It took me a long time to be comfortable with that, but thats all you need to say. nothing more, nothing less ...

So work this week on becoming aware & next week we'll look at where these little voices, thoughts and negativity are coming from. If you feel open enough to let me know what you catch yourself saying I'd love to hear. I'll be keeping an eye on myself too ...

[partly taken from here]

Getting The Most Out Of Appointments

The hardest step, often is asking for help. Perhaps you've told a friend or a school counsellor. Though often willing they may not know how to help you. Talking to your GP is often a good starting point or phoning the mental health unit at your local hospital, many now have specific adolescent workers. Often we are afraid of being judged or decisions made that we don't wish.

Appointments with doctors, mental health workers, or other professionals may make you feel nervous. It’s easy to forget what you want to ask or to come away feeling confused about what was said. Appointments with professionals can be very short, and sometimes you have to wait a long time to get one, so it’s important to get the most out of every meeting.

You may find the following tips useful:

* If you make an appointment to see someone and you feel uncomfortable going on your own, take a friend or family member with you. They can provide support and help you remember what was said
* Before your appointment, write down all the questions you want to ask and make sure they've all been answered before you leave
* Write down the answers you're given. If you’re given the names of other people or organisations, make sure you write down the correct contact information
* There may be a number of support or treatment options available. Explain that you would like to know about all possible alternatives
* If something is said during the meeting that you don’t understand, don't be afraid to ask the person to explain what they mean
* Ask if there are any leaflets or other types of information you can take away with you
* If the appointment is with a mental health professional or counsellor you might want to see on a regular basis, use your first meeting to decide whether you feel comfortable with them and whether they are someone you think you could trust
* If you don’t feel that you are going to get on with a particular person or professional, go elsewhere. You have the right to choose. What matters is that you get the help you need
* Don't forget, you don't have to take any help or advice if it doesn't feel right.

The last 2 points are important to me. You are the consumer, Dr's are not Gods, and not all Counsellors suit all clients. If in anyway you are not happy, satisfied or confident in the person, then shop around but be clear with your motivations. I once didn't see a counsellor as all had told me 'This guy is tough but good, he can really help', I think I was totally scared it may work (if that makes sense) and I chose a woman who was nice but not really effective.

You need to keep thinking 'I am the most important here' but its hard at a time when you are emotionally exhausted and not feeling empowered. Being informed is one of the most important steps you can take both with SH and life in general. Take a friend who knows your needs, can help 'translate' or just repeat back what was said later, if this helps you.

[taken in part from: Self Harm.Org.UK

Friday Reader's Story ...

Gayle said...

From the time I was eleven years old til I was seventeen, I would cut myself. a lot. Sometimes it would be once or twice a week. other times when I couldn't handle the stress, it was everyday. It's been eight months since the last time I last inflicted harm on myself by means of cutting/burning.

The main reason is my best friend. It was a particularly horrible day. I was cooped up feeling sorry for myself and taking a negative action. I had taken about ten of my sleeping pills and had completely ripped up my arms with a steak knife. I needed to talk to my best friend just one last time. I remember it was taking everything I had to keep the phone up. She didn't answer her phone & when the voicemail picked up I was crying so hard. I don't think anyone could understand it. I kept saying. "I'm sorry Lizzie I don't know what I did. I'll miss you. I love you Lizzie. please forgive me."

I passed out, the next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital strapped to a gurney. I was in shock. A few days later on my 17th birthday, I was sent to the state hospital. for therapy. I was there for nearly five months. near the end of my treatment, Lizzie had written a letter to my counselor stating that she kept the voicemail, and that I needed to listen to it..To see how it affected her. My counselor added into my therapy, for me to listen to the voicemail and write a letter to Lizzie telling her how I reacted upon hearing it. It completely tore me up when I heard what I put her through. I couldn't believe I would put that burden on Lizzie. I'm ashamed for what Ive done to my friends and family for being so selfish and stupid.

It's been a few months since I've got home, and I'm proud to say I've stayed smart in my choices. when I need help, I use my coping skills.[music.drawing.poetry.dancing] and if need be, I call my old counselor. I don't wish what I've gone through on any person or their families.

I had intended to keep my story to myself, but I guess something about your post made me feel like it was safe for me to share a small part of how I needed/got help. my piece of mind. Thank you for listening [reading] my story..x.

Gayle.x.

soo foo, so dak. <3>

Written: November 4, 2007

Reasons NOT to Self-Harm

Deciding to stop self-harm is a very personal decision. You may think about it for a long time before you decide that you're ready to commit to a life without something you have depended on . Here are some reasons, that in reflection, I can relate to stopping.

Because you're somebody!
Because you're a beautiful person inside and out.
Because you didn't deserve what happened to you.
Because you do not want the scars to last forever as a reminder of your past.
Because self-harm doesn't heal the pain it only delays it.
Because by quitting you are mending another important stage in your Healing Process.
Because you are already hurting enough as it is.
Because it may hurt your loved ones as well.
Because you do not deserve to feel guilty any longer.
Because your life is worth everything.

Its about finding your own way to say to yourself ...

'I don't deserve this anymore, I never did.'

Let me know if you relate or have other motivations ... x

[taken from Voices Of Strength]
Image:Not Really Alone by ~aznchocotwo

It's All About The Attitude!

' To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are. '

Wordless Wednesday - Hope

Image: hope by ~hengie

Affirmation

' I am willing, to be to free, to be myself. '

Image: Mirror. by *D-e-v-i

Ice, Ice Baby ... :)

Long before I knew anything about my why's, or of triggers, before therapy or even understanding that my coping skills were destructive, I knew I was dealing with a physical feeling that I couldn't contain.

I don't feel from 12 onwards that I ever did anger, lost my temper, got cross, I did rage. It was pure & unadulterated, I went from 0 to 100 in 10 seconds. It was frightening for me as I had little memory of these episodes but I knew from the reactions of those around me in the aftermath that it was frightening for them.

I learnt how to control and contain the anger ... but it was at a high cost to me and even more destructive.

Years later one of the first therapists in recovery gave me a list of alternatives to destructive behaviour, ie walk with a friend, garden WTF! Needless to say she didn't last long...lol...

The first alternative for me that worked was ice ... I stocked up on the stuff ... I would put it in the sink with a few inches of water (while the tap run I would run ice over my hands & wrists) I would plunge my hands in till I couldn't feel them ... if the anger surfaced through this I would put my face in or splash it with water. Focusing on getting the water ready, the sensation of cold slowed my thinking quickly. I went from the hectic to the here and now, the urge ebbed ... it stopped the flashes of memory almost instantly... I now know this as grounding

Over time, I abandoned the ice and used cold showers.

There are alot of alternatives to SH out there, and the key is identifying the emotion behind it, your own 'why'. For me it was anger and disassociation. I will bring together articles from the net and do a weekly post on alternatives (on Tuesdays)but I wanted to share one that worked for me and why.... If you have others let us know and we can build up a collection. What works for me may not be so for others and your input would be great as always..... Abz

Negative Self Talk - What Is It

Ponder the following quote:

“If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?”

~Rob Bremer




Entwined with SH, depression and other mental health issues is negative self talk.

This self-critical voice works by...
Emphasizing past failures.
Ignoring anything good that happens.
Setting impossible standards of perfection.
Assuming others' thoughts about you are negative.
Calling you names.

Negative self-talk is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, and distortions of reality, or an unbalanced focus on a problem, that perpetuates negative emotions, such as pessimism, guilt, fear, anxiety as well as self-sabotaging behaviors. It often occurs when in times of emotional turmoil, or when we are going through stress or a personal transition. For some of us, it has become our daily inner dialogue.

There are many ways to free ourselves from negative self-talk. For some, the best step may be to work with a good therapist or counselor. Others may just need to pay attention to the negative self-talk and use some of the suggestions provided here. Support groups (in person or online) may also be beneficial.

So how do we stop negative self-talk?
Step 1. Become aware of it.
Step 2. Find out where the negative self-talk originated.
Step 3. Acknowledge the pay-offs.
Step 4. Take conscious steps to stop the negative self-talk.

Its these four steps I want to go deeper into in later posts. How do we turn it around? In fact, an astonishing 45,000 – 51,000 thoughts go through our heads on an average day. Many of these thoughts are harmless, such as “I must remember to pick up my clothes at the cleaners” . When you keep repeating the negative messages to yourself, you create a limiting belief that goes on to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So just for this week lets start being aware of what we are saying ...

I Want To Stop ...

Source: Post Secret

Friday Reader's Story ...

Sophie said.....

I am a self-harmer and to answer your question, we do it because it brings a sense of release. The main reason why i do it is because it helps me disconnect with the real world. My parents are not the ones to blame. to be quite honest there is no-one i can really "blame" as such.

I have had a good life, but a year ago my life was turned around by something that happened to my boyfriend. He felt that his life was not worth living and he took his life, ever since he did it i have been cutting my arms, stomach, chest and legs. I dont do this to die, i do it to escape from reality. I have the word ALONE carved into my forearm and on the 15th of every month i re-open the wound. because i feel so very alone without him.

[Written:November 4, 2007 9:24 AM ]

Thanks Sophie....x

Fridays

Each Friday, I will feature one of the personal stories that readers have left on my last blog so we build a greater understanding of how each we are all very different people but all dealing with the same 'demons'.

If you would like to email yours I'm contactable on abbey.angeltears@gmail.com, just mark it 'Friday's Reader Story' in the subject line. However I wont personally answer emails.

The point of this forum is to share openly with each other our experiences, strategies and hope ... When reading 'Friday's Reader Story' I hope you will look for the similarities in our experiences. No matter how isolated you feel many of us can relate to each others words.

A large part of SH is isolation, secrecy and having no one understand or relate to. Through these readers stories I hope in a small part to elevate that.

Image:my Nonsense Queen - colored by `zancan

Wordless Wednesday - Secrecy

Image:Self-harm by ~JaffaCakeLover

The History and Mentality of Self-Harm

Morning Edition, June 10, 2005 · An estimated 2 million Americans practice some form of self-injury, and there is a common misperception that -- like anorexia -- the problem afflicts mostly young women. But self-mutilation isn't exclusively a modern adolescent issue. The disorder is an ancient one, and it is best understood as an attempt to relieve rather than inflict pain.

A reader commented that SH is a societal problem, so I looked around the net and came across this 5min radio exert that has a small part at the start on self harm from a historical context, then goes on to interview a young woman and talks of disassociation experienced with SH. It is 3yrs old but still relevant, I feel.

I couldn't embed it but the link to the interview is here. I found the sentence used...

' it is best understood as an attempt to relieve rather than inflict pain.'....

one of the simplist explanations to explain to those who don't know, what one is experiencing.

Let me know what you think....

Image:Alone by ~-sylph-

The Beginning

Below is the original post from my first blog. I was tired and angry when I wrote it. I thought someone may come on the site and say they cared or understood these 'kids' Instead this was the photo that accompanied it and the reason many found a way to my site. From that point of contact many wrote honestly on how SH impacted their own life. I hope to transfer those comments here to make it an easier format to read.

But I am indebted to the artist who conceived this work. The photo allowed many to write and voice their opinions, questions, life experiences for others to read. The post created almost 80 comments, which no other has done.

Because it was a post and not an actual blog it was hard for me to consistently monitor so I have created space here.

I hope that others will continue to come and share their feelings and experiences. I also hope to include some inspirational tit-bits I find on the net, photography and perhaps build up a collection of links that will add to what I myself and you know. I want it to be a positive, shared site.

I will try to answer all comments that you leave, and feel free to leave them anonymously if that makes you feel safe. I want to try to make this as interactive and supportive as possible so this will be your site as much as mine but I have waffled long enough.lol...if you have ideas or suggestions on what you would like in a blog let me know.

Blood Instead of Tears

Original, Wednesday, October 24, 2007

In 2001-02, there were 22,530 cases of hospitalised self-harm.

Where the hell is society going wrong! When did we stop listening? What is wrong with the planet, the community, the family...when the only way a child feels she can be heard is to cut her own flesh!

When the only release she has from pain is to slice her arms, her legs. her stomach. When the only safety, the security she knows is when blood flows out of her body.What does it take, How long does this go on before we acknowledge that something is seriously wrong with our society. This is not the child's problem, it is ours, we all have a responsibility to the kids of our world. We need to listen to them, no matter how much we don't want to hear what they are saying, or what defenses they put up, or how hard it is...

Don't give me all the psycho-babble of why they do it! Put some money into sorting it, lets start being proactive instead of just trying to sort it after the event. Pretend it doesnt happen and leave it to others to clean up after them.They need us so very much and often, cutting themselves, is there only way of saying to say it.

[taken from 'Random']