Tuesdays Alternatives To Avoid Self-harm

Each Tuesday I've been writing on alternatives to self harm. One of the key points is to identify what you are trying to cope with. So far we've looked at anger & dissociation. Today I'll look at wanting some measure of control & focus in your life.

Control and focus : Feeling that so much is out of your control that the only thing that you can control is the harm you inflict on yourself.

Here are some of the alternatives young people have suggested,

• Try squeezing ice. (more for anger/grounding)
• Try putting a rubber band around a wrist then pinging it when you need to.
• Try taking a cold/hot shower.
• Try biting into something like a lemon. (again, instant grounding)
• Try to focus energy into something positive like exercise, sport or noticing how you breathe. (tennis against a brick wall is good)
• Try ripping or crumpling paper, could collage the ripped pieces or scribble on them.
• Try doing something creative like making play dough models. (Journalling page of 'I Am' statements)
• Try screaming, breaking sticks, punching pillows.
• Try getting out of the house, going to talk to a friend or getting a haircut. (walking/jogging counting each step)
• Try solving a puzzle, playing solitare, tetris, minesweeper or snake. (Anything that requires concentration ie xbox, guitar,Suduko)
• Try setting a target time, for example saying you can harm in 15 minutes, then if you can last, going another 15 minutes.
• Try cleaning. (Amazingly this can work if you get into it 100%, clean room, cupboard, drawer)
• Try thinking in another language.
• Try learning something new. (again, concentration)
  

[taken in part from lcet.Org]

Alternatives

Each Tuesday we've been focusing on alternatives.. I've written on alternatives to anger, and the use of ice. This week, a few suggestions on alternatives to the feeling of dissociation.

Harming yourself is not the only way to cope with your feelings. Here are some of the ideas other young people have come up with to find different ways of coping. Some may work for you! A lot depends on thinking about why you are self harming. People often harm themselves because they can find no other way to relieve a feeling of being overwhelmed by intense emotions.

Dissociation

Dissociation : Feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on around, you want to escape or distract yourself by making a louder metaphorical noise.

• Try squeezing ice or putting a hand in a mixture of water, salt and ice for a few seconds.
• Try putting a rubber band around a wrist then pinging it when you need to. I always have a band on my wrist...its become habit now, like biting my nails...lol.
• Try taking a cold/hot shower.
• Try biting into something like a lemon or a hot pepper. This Ive used, and wasabi.
• Try doing something creative like making a collage, write poetry, bake or paint.
• Try to focus on breathing. I count as I breathe, 1001, 2001, 3001, 4001 etc, in through nose, out through mouth.
• Try to play taxing games like tetris, minesweeper or snake.
• Try choosing an object in the room and describing it as you would to a blind person - its size, weight, colour etc. I sort of do this, but I say, 'Im in the lounge, sitting on a blue chair, my feet are on carpet, I can see a window etc'
• Try scribbling on paper. I do this free form, with no thought, just purging...
• Try being around people, perhaps playing games with a younger sibling, hugging someone or helping someone else.
• Try opening the dictionary in random places and learning new words, also try thinking in another language as you may have to simplify your thoughts. I wouldnt be able to focus enough for this one.
• Try creating a mental 'safe place'. I'm not good at this one but sometimes I combine it with my breathing exercises

Whatever my trigger, I remember the feeling of being overwhelmed, and chanting in my head 'This is not fucking real' over and over, the trick was for me to learn the feeling, sounds easy eh! but to identify it and in the early days just to focus on the word 'Stay'

[taken from Icet.org]

Alternatives

Harming yourself is not the only way to cope with your feelings. Here are some of the ideas other young people have come up with to find different ways of coping. Some may work for you! A lot depends on thinking about why you are self harming. People often harm themselves because they can find no other way to relieve a feeling of being overwhelmed by intense emotions.

These emotions commonly fall into five groups:

Anger and frustration : Feeling so wound up and annoyed that you want to scream and shout. (in this case animals would claw at themselves).

Low self esteem (punishment): Feeling so undervalued and low that you want to harm and feel you may even deserve it.

Dissociation : Feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on around, you want to escape or distract yourself by making a louder metaphorical noise.

Control and focus : Feeling that so much is out of your control that the only thing that you can control is the harm you inflict on yourself.

Self nurture : Feeling unreal and needing to harm to know you exist, or to help yourself heal.

Young people have suggested alternatives to the emotions above. Ive chosen to focus on anger today, I will post on the other emotions at a later date or you can use the link above.

Anger/ frustration

Try screaming/ crying/ hugging someone. No way was anyone hugging me!, though I have heard of a woman screaming beside train tracks as the train goes past.

Try having a cold shower. My personal fave

Try biting on something like a lemon to give you a sharp sensation.

Try exercising, going for a walk/ run. One of my first strategies with rage was to run, one of my best, however it also put me at risk. I would run at night and I often found myself lost (day or night). I would count my paces (screaming them in my head) & it would physically exhaust me. It helps if someone will pick you up when the rage/urge has passed & your runned out

Try hitting something not alive, for example a pillow or punch bag. I have tried belting a bed with a broom, but I think it was the combined screaming that made this effective.

Perhaps talking to the object you are hitting, explaining what's wrong. I found swearing my insides out rather than explaining worked.

Try making a soft cloth doll, rip/cut it up to represent how you feel instead of doing it to yourself. ??? Never tried this one..if someone has let me know. although i have ripped soft toys apart (you can get them cheap at the op-shop)

Try listening to loud/ angry music, dance/ sing along. Still works for me, but not in initial stages

Try dropping ice into a bath or throwing it against a wall so it shatters, or hit a tree with a stick. You could also slash up a plastic bottle, flatten cans for recycling.

Try making clay models to smash.

Try squeezing silly putty then stretching it until it snaps.

Try talking to someone. Personally I couldnt 'talk' at these times.

[taken from:www.lcet.org]

my comments in red

Ice, Ice Baby ... :)

Long before I knew anything about my why's, or of triggers, before therapy or even understanding that my coping skills were destructive, I knew I was dealing with a physical feeling that I couldn't contain.

I don't feel from 12 onwards that I ever did anger, lost my temper, got cross, I did rage. It was pure & unadulterated, I went from 0 to 100 in 10 seconds. It was frightening for me as I had little memory of these episodes but I knew from the reactions of those around me in the aftermath that it was frightening for them.

I learnt how to control and contain the anger ... but it was at a high cost to me and even more destructive.

Years later one of the first therapists in recovery gave me a list of alternatives to destructive behaviour, ie walk with a friend, garden WTF! Needless to say she didn't last long...lol...

The first alternative for me that worked was ice ... I stocked up on the stuff ... I would put it in the sink with a few inches of water (while the tap run I would run ice over my hands & wrists) I would plunge my hands in till I couldn't feel them ... if the anger surfaced through this I would put my face in or splash it with water. Focusing on getting the water ready, the sensation of cold slowed my thinking quickly. I went from the hectic to the here and now, the urge ebbed ... it stopped the flashes of memory almost instantly... I now know this as grounding

Over time, I abandoned the ice and used cold showers.

There are alot of alternatives to SH out there, and the key is identifying the emotion behind it, your own 'why'. For me it was anger and disassociation. I will bring together articles from the net and do a weekly post on alternatives (on Tuesdays)but I wanted to share one that worked for me and why.... If you have others let us know and we can build up a collection. What works for me may not be so for others and your input would be great as always..... Abz