Outlook

"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. "

~John Vance Cheney

Emotional Posts

Are the planets out of whack? Is it to do with the seasons, the tidal flows.?

Ive been wandering blogland today. Its cold and stormy here so I snuggled up with a coffee and read.

So many, at least 80% that Ive read, are going through some emotional turmoil, heartbreak, arguments, moving home. Others are talking of deep issues such as rape, domestic abuse, anorexia.

This isn't from this site, which most are amazingly positive given the topic, but posts by average people trying to get a handle on life issues. Some angry, some sad but all with a high level of emotional purging. Perhaps its the anonymity of the internet, or perhaps its relating to others posting that gives the prompt to write their own. All the commentors on these posts have been positive, understanding and empowering.

I guess I just wanted to say I think your brave and brilliant to write as you do. I admire and envy that. Tis not something Ive allowed myself to do, nor would find easy. And to all those who are reading, relating, offering support how beautiful of you to take the time to acknowledge the pain in another. There are some beautifully strong people out there.....

[*Reposted From Random]

Why We Self Injure

Not everyone self-injures for the same reason. Many of us even have more than one reason for doing it. Here are listed some of the more common reasons. There are others that may not be listed here, of course.

To deal with unbearable emotions.
Because we were never taught (or allowed) to express feelings in a healthier way.
To punish ourselves for not being good enough, smart enough, fast enough.
To help prevent ourselves from feeling emotional pain.
For the scars: To "mark" oursleves with our failures and successes.
To get "high".
To feel something.
Because we are addicted and feel we have to.

To deal with unbearable emotions.
I think that this is the most common reason why we self-injure. We seem to be more sensitive than the average person, and so emotions that would cause them to "boil over" or "shut down" become absolutly unbearable when placed within ourselves. Not having been born with pressure release valves atop our heads, our self-injury is the fastest and easiest method for us to use to lessen these extreme emotions.

Because we were never taught (or allowed) to express feelings in a healthier way.
Maybe we grew up in abusive homes. Maybe our parents were "solid rocks" in the face of stress. Maybe they painted everything a happy shade and ignored the darker colours of the spectrum. In some way those of us who fit in this group were short-changed emotionally. No one taught us healthy release for all our emotions. Maybe we didn't have the laughter, maybe there were never any tears, maybe we never learned just what to do with anger. One day we self-injured (either accidentally or on purpose) and it lessened the pressure of those emotions which we were bottled up inside of us. Hence the cycle began.

To punish ourselves for not being good enough, smart enough, fast enough.
I have seen this in many professionals and overacheivers, and to a lesser extent in other self-injurers as well. Most of us in this group grew up in strict homes, many of us had overbearing perfectionists for parents. Some of us were abused or severly punished for no reasons at all, or for reasons we never really understood. We don't feel adequate. We don't feel that we can be "good enough". Most everything we do is wrong, and we feel we must be punished for it. In short, we feel we must "pay the price" for our inadequecies.

To help prevent ourselves from feeling emotional pain.
Often we self-injure to mute our emotional pains. By focusing on the physical actions of self-injuring, and then dealing with the physical pain of the injury, we can push aside the emotional hurt for awhile, or even forget it entirely. Almost all self-injurers occassionally fall into this category, I think.

For the scars: To "mark" oursleves with our failures and successes.
Some people don't consider this self-injury, but I do. Mainly because once the addiction begins to take us over we will do anything to repeat it, any excuse that seems reasonable to our subconscious. and self-injury of this sort is just as addictive as any other type. I know ladies who get a piercing everytime a bioyfriend leaves them, men who get a tattoo for every pay raise and new car. I think it's self-injury of a different sort. These people don't realise what they're doing, because their self-injury is more "socially acceptable". Maybe the guy with 24 facial piecings gets weird looks, but no one draws him aside and suggest hospital stays and medications, no one believes that he's going to kill himself or die trying. I have also met self-injurers who cut their forearms and legs to mark "successes" or "failures". It's even been rumoured that Christian Slater (popular U.S. actor) scars himself with cutting to mark the "important stages" of his life. In rare cases I suppose you could even find someone who burns or brands to mark themselves.

To get "high".
Self-injury, blood loss, and pain all cause chemical reactions in your brain. This chemical reaction causes a sort "high" in many people. Some self-injurers become addicted to this giddy, invincible feeling, and continue self-injuring to get this feeling.

To feel something.
Sometimes the sheer "nothingness" becomes too much too handle. Those of us who fit in this group have a lack of emotion. We don't feel much of anything, and what we do feel is very muted. This often results from a mood disorder, psychiatric medications, or traumatisation. Those in this group self-injure to feel something, to them anything, even pain, is better than feeling nothing at all.

Because we are addicted and feel we have to.
As mentioned, self-injury does cause chemical reactions in the brain (pretty much anything that deals with emotions does), and it's easy to become addicted to the "highs". However, it is also easy to become addicted to the "lows" of self-injury. We self-injure so often and for such deep reasons that it becomes like a cancer. We begin scratching as children, are biting as teens, and cutting by adulthood. The self-injury is the only way we know how to "cope" and so we begin to use it more and more often to help us get through life.

Written by Kharres.

Just For You

Despite (or because of) the credit crisis, the war in Iraq, people passing, what he/she did or didn't say, relationships ending, the world tilting on it's axis, it being "that time of the day/month/year/life", the normal run-of-the-mill-stress-of-life ...

Just stop for a moment.

Breathe.

Breathe again.

Have a hug.
Give yourself one if there is no-one else around.
Take this one.

Friday Readers Story

Anonymous said...

Ive been cutting since I was 11 and I'm now 17, at first it was the one in a month then as I got older it got worse. It all started because I lost 2 of the most precious things in my life and now I do it because I get upset and don't how to deal with it.

I tried to stop I last about 3 months without cutting but then everything just kept building up and I cut again.

I hate what I do it looks horrible but I have no way stopping.

I just think last one but then after that"last one" it happens again and again I'm scared to tell my parents if I told people it would affect everything my job my relationships with sisters and brothers.

I don't really have friends or go out because I'm an outsider people at work thing I have a great social life but iI lie to cover up how alone I actually am.

I don't know what to do or how to help myself.

Friday Reader's Story ...

Anonymous said...

I am a 29 year old male. A cutter since 13 Years old. The thought that this is a girls problem is false. One aspect of cutters is that they hide it. Boys and men more often will hide this sometimes for life, the reason is shame based. I am trying to stop at this point. This is a real problem for compulsive people like myself. The last time I cut mixed with extreme emotion and alcohol I woke up with 60 stitches in the psych ward. Thanks for the time ...

[Written: November 22, 2007]

Alternatives

Harming yourself is not the only way to cope with your feelings. Here are some of the ideas other young people have come up with to find different ways of coping. Some may work for you! A lot depends on thinking about why you are self harming. People often harm themselves because they can find no other way to relieve a feeling of being overwhelmed by intense emotions.

These emotions commonly fall into five groups:

Anger and frustration : Feeling so wound up and annoyed that you want to scream and shout. (in this case animals would claw at themselves).

Low self esteem (punishment): Feeling so undervalued and low that you want to harm and feel you may even deserve it.

Dissociation : Feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on around, you want to escape or distract yourself by making a louder metaphorical noise.

Control and focus : Feeling that so much is out of your control that the only thing that you can control is the harm you inflict on yourself.

Self nurture : Feeling unreal and needing to harm to know you exist, or to help yourself heal.

Young people have suggested alternatives to the emotions above. Ive chosen to focus on anger today, I will post on the other emotions at a later date or you can use the link above.

Anger/ frustration

Try screaming/ crying/ hugging someone. No way was anyone hugging me!, though I have heard of a woman screaming beside train tracks as the train goes past.

Try having a cold shower. My personal fave

Try biting on something like a lemon to give you a sharp sensation.

Try exercising, going for a walk/ run. One of my first strategies with rage was to run, one of my best, however it also put me at risk. I would run at night and I often found myself lost (day or night). I would count my paces (screaming them in my head) & it would physically exhaust me. It helps if someone will pick you up when the rage/urge has passed & your runned out

Try hitting something not alive, for example a pillow or punch bag. I have tried belting a bed with a broom, but I think it was the combined screaming that made this effective.

Perhaps talking to the object you are hitting, explaining what's wrong. I found swearing my insides out rather than explaining worked.

Try making a soft cloth doll, rip/cut it up to represent how you feel instead of doing it to yourself. ??? Never tried this one..if someone has let me know. although i have ripped soft toys apart (you can get them cheap at the op-shop)

Try listening to loud/ angry music, dance/ sing along. Still works for me, but not in initial stages

Try dropping ice into a bath or throwing it against a wall so it shatters, or hit a tree with a stick. You could also slash up a plastic bottle, flatten cans for recycling.

Try making clay models to smash.

Try squeezing silly putty then stretching it until it snaps.

Try talking to someone. Personally I couldnt 'talk' at these times.

[taken from:www.lcet.org]

my comments in red