Negative Self Talk - What Is It

Ponder the following quote:

“If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?”

~Rob Bremer




Entwined with SH, depression and other mental health issues is negative self talk.

This self-critical voice works by...
Emphasizing past failures.
Ignoring anything good that happens.
Setting impossible standards of perfection.
Assuming others' thoughts about you are negative.
Calling you names.

Negative self-talk is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, and distortions of reality, or an unbalanced focus on a problem, that perpetuates negative emotions, such as pessimism, guilt, fear, anxiety as well as self-sabotaging behaviors. It often occurs when in times of emotional turmoil, or when we are going through stress or a personal transition. For some of us, it has become our daily inner dialogue.

There are many ways to free ourselves from negative self-talk. For some, the best step may be to work with a good therapist or counselor. Others may just need to pay attention to the negative self-talk and use some of the suggestions provided here. Support groups (in person or online) may also be beneficial.

So how do we stop negative self-talk?
Step 1. Become aware of it.
Step 2. Find out where the negative self-talk originated.
Step 3. Acknowledge the pay-offs.
Step 4. Take conscious steps to stop the negative self-talk.

Its these four steps I want to go deeper into in later posts. How do we turn it around? In fact, an astonishing 45,000 – 51,000 thoughts go through our heads on an average day. Many of these thoughts are harmless, such as “I must remember to pick up my clothes at the cleaners” . When you keep repeating the negative messages to yourself, you create a limiting belief that goes on to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So just for this week lets start being aware of what we are saying ...

The Mind

" Each thought has power of its own.
Positive thought has a power and negative thought also has a power.
With positive power we build; with negative power we break.
Each positive thought is creation and each negative thought is destruction."

" When a negative thought comes, we have to feel that it is a thief.
A negative thought comes in the form of doubt, fear, jealousy, hypocrisy or meanness.
We have to feel that each negative thought has come to commit a theft,
to take something away from our inner life and inner wealth."

*"Negative Thoughts" - Excerpt from The Soul's Evolution by Sri Chinmoy."

Fridays Readers Story

Anonymous said...
I have been self harming for 4 years now. i began because i couldnt cope wih my parents divorce but then stress from other things influenced it too such as exams and family problems.

I met this boy when i was 14 and i managed to stop cutting for 4 months. i thought i was 'in love' but then the relationship got really violent and i started again because i couldnt tell anyone he was hitting me. i was ashamed in what i was doing but got made to feel that i deserved it. in my mind i wasnt good enough for anybody and deserved all i got including self inflicted scars.i saw a support worker for a while and with her help i managed to finish with this boy and eventually get my life back.

i have had many other things going on within the last year such as putting up with my mums drinking and her abusive boyfriend but i blocked this out of my life when i moved to a boarding school in the summer. i thought this allowed me to disconnect myself from my family and start fresh. in january we started a new term and i began to disconnect myself from my life at boarding school too. i would skip meals, and just lock myself in my bedroom, often doing nothing. thinking. cutting.

eventually i cried for help but i was treated as if i wanted attention. all i wanted was help because i knew i needed it. within the last month i have taken 6 overdoses and constantly cut myself.

i dont want to die, i want to stop feeling the way i do. i want to be able to socialise but i cant bring myself to it.all i can think about is harming mysle and alhtough i dont want to, i lose the strength and willpower. i managed to get an appointment with the gp, they want to put me on medication to sort the way im feeling but i just feel as if its too late.

Negative Self-talk & Your Self-esteem

Self image is how we see ourselves, and how we think others see us. Self image plays a HUGE role in how we behave and feel.

Q: What is self esteem?

A: Self-esteem is our internal feelings and evaluation of ourselves based on our "perceived" self-image.

Self-esteem and self image are closely inter-related. And, are largely based on our feedback while growing-up (parents, peers, other important figures).

Fact: it takes about 20 positive statements ABOUT OURSELVES (the foundation of our self-image---self-esteem) to counter-act even just 1 negative personal statement!

Here's the difficult part: it doesn't take a continual repetition of negative statements from our parents, peers, and others throughout our childhood to cause low self-image-self-esteem...fact is, once we get a couple in our head, we can use them over and over again. Again and again we take those false negatives and repeat them unconsciously (completely unaware). It's like having a constant heckler with you.

Can counseling help? Most definitely. Negative self-talk is a big problem that most counselors are able to help with using a cognitive-behavioral counseling approach. We need to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk we're willing to let ourselves accept. You can't draw on a chalkboard if there's an eraser following close behind. That's what negative self-talk is....it erases the good, and replenishes it with bad.

Changing Your Mind

Positive (or negative) self-talk can be very powerful. If you go into an exam, thinking “I can do this. I’m totally prepared. I’m going to ace this thing!” you’re far more likely to be successful than if you go in, worrying “I’m not ready for this. I’m going to fail!”

In addition to affecting your academic performance, self-talk influences your athletic performance, your ability to overcome personal crises, and your eating and physical activity behaviors.
Some tips:
1. Listen to your thoughts.
2. Decide if your thoughts help or hurt your progress.
3. STOP your negative thoughts.
4. Re-word your negative thoughts to make them into positive messages. Check out the guidelines and examples below:

Consider these guidelines...
• Think about successful changes you’ve already made. Imagine good results with changes you plan on making.
• Say what you are doing now. Use the present tense.
• Make it as positive as you can. Be specific.
• Forget what should be.
• Make it personal.

Negative Self Talk - Become Aware

This is the second part of Negative Self Talk (the first is here). Where we looked at what it is ... basically that little voice inside us that runs us down.

There are many ways to free ourselves from negative self-talk. For some, the best step may be to work with a good therapist or counselor. Others may just need to pay attention to the negative self-talk and use some of the suggestions provided here. Support groups (in person or online) may also be beneficial.

STEP ONE: Become aware of it.

Start paying attention how you talk to yourself and how your present yourself to others.

• Do you belittle yourself?


• Are you critical of your body, mind, skills or abilities?


• Do you speak negatively about yourself to others?


• Do you say unkind things about yourself before someone else can beat you to it?


• Do you stop yourself from doing or trying things you want to do because you think you won't be good at it, might fail, or embarrass yourself?


• Do you stop yourself from trying things because there's always someone who's better than you?


• Listen to the negative things you tell yourself, and start to question their validity.

Don't stress about doing something about it. This is about just becoming aware, tuning in to what your saying, catching yourself out. When I first attempted this I would wear a rubberband and 'ping' myself for each negative thought, ... I sure started listening to myself then ... lol, Write them down if that helps. I didn't find it easy at first.

And does your little thought sneak out and get a voice? If someone pays you a compliment or says you are good at something do you react in the negative? perhaps say 'Oh no anyone can do that' or if they say your top/jeans/etc look good on you do you say something like 'Oh this old thing' or it 'makes my butt big' .STOP, (smile) it took me a long time to just say 'Thank you' ... It took me a long time to be comfortable with that, but thats all you need to say. nothing more, nothing less ...

So work this week on becoming aware & next week we'll look at where these little voices, thoughts and negativity are coming from. If you feel open enough to let me know what you catch yourself saying I'd love to hear. I'll be keeping an eye on myself too ...

[partly taken from here]

Negative Self Talk - What Is It

Ponder the following quote:

“If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you continue to hang around with that person?”

~Rob Bremer




Entwined with SH, depression and other mental health issues is negative self talk.

This self-critical voice works by...
Emphasizing past failures.
Ignoring anything good that happens.
Setting impossible standards of perfection.
Assuming others' thoughts about you are negative.
Calling you names.

Negative self-talk is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, and distortions of reality, or an unbalanced focus on a problem, that perpetuates negative emotions, such as pessimism, guilt, fear, anxiety as well as self-sabotaging behaviors. It often occurs when in times of emotional turmoil, or when we are going through stress or a personal transition. For some of us, it has become our daily inner dialogue.

There are many ways to free ourselves from negative self-talk. For some, the best step may be to work with a good therapist or counselor. Others may just need to pay attention to the negative self-talk and use some of the suggestions provided here. Support groups (in person or online) may also be beneficial.

So how do we stop negative self-talk?
Step 1. Become aware of it.
Step 2. Find out where the negative self-talk originated.
Step 3. Acknowledge the pay-offs.
Step 4. Take conscious steps to stop the negative self-talk.

Its these four steps I want to go deeper into in later posts. How do we turn it around? In fact, an astonishing 45,000 – 51,000 thoughts go through our heads on an average day. Many of these thoughts are harmless, such as “I must remember to pick up my clothes at the cleaners” . When you keep repeating the negative messages to yourself, you create a limiting belief that goes on to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So just for this week lets start being aware of what we are saying ...