Mind Maps

This mind map shows the link between self harm and various emotions.

• taken from 'Shoot For The Moon'

Tuesdays Alternatives To Avoid Self-harm

If you self-injure to…Deal with anger that you cannot express openly, try working through those feelings by doing something different – running, dancing fast, screaming, punching a pillow, boxing bag, throwing something, ripping something apart (soft toys)

If you hurt yourself in order to…Feel something when you feel numb inside, hold ice cubes in one hand and try to crush them, hold a package of frozen food, take a very cold shower, chew something with a very strong taste (like chili peppers, raw ginger root, or a grapefruit peel), wear an elastic rubber band around your wrist and snap it (in moderation to avoid bruising) when you feel like hurting yourself

If you inflict physical pain to…Calm yourself, try taking a bubble bath, doing deep breathing, writing in a journal, drawing, or doing some yoga

If you harm to…See blood, try drawing a red ink line where you would usually cut yourself, in combination with the other suggestions above. Fingerpaint with RED paint. Draw hands on paperand slash with red paint.

[taken in part: Helpguide.Org]

Wordless Wednesday - Anger

Image: reflecting anger by ~chrisbonney

Friday Reader's Story

Instead of Fridays Reader's story I have posted Lynse story from her blog, she hopes others relate.

To most the thought of harming yourself would be so outlandish that you would look at me like I was crazy if I told you that it makes sense to me.

I am choosing to write about this because there is such a need around this generation to bring light and truth to the fact that a lot of this generation is stuck in the rut of Self Injury. It is a painful place to be and takes a lot to get past. It is a dark place to get stuck. And as statistics are showing there are a lot of people stuck there.

So I want to share my story……

I started “cutting” when I was 13. I don't fully remember how I was introduced to it, but within a few days had taken root in my life. The pain that was so deep inside of me was killing me. I was allowing myself to die emotionally. It was a fight that I didn't want to take place but had no idea of how to stop it. It seemed meaningless to fight to keep them alive when i viewed them as the things that were causing me so much pain.

So my only solution to make sure that I was not dying totally was to hurt myself. To feel the pain on the outside assured me that i was still alive. That there was still hope. At least that it how it all started. It started out of my desire for hope. For some feeling to let me know that I was alive. That I could still feel something. That one day maybe I would feel again.

Soon it became an addiction. I had my way of doing it. I had my “ritual.” The when and how. within 2 months it had moved past the need for hope. My body and mind were addicted to the feeling. To the release that it gave me. My rage towards myself and other people had grown so much that I didnt know how to release it. And I thought this was a good way.

As time went on whether I had a bad day or not I had to cut. I had to do it each night before I went to bed. It calmed me enough to rest and go to sleep. (and about addiction, still to this day if I experience intense pain I get tired because my mind was trained to go to sleep after pain.)

I share this because I know that there are people who are in this rut. And honestly, it breaks my heart. Because being on the other side of this “journey” for hope I have found that the only hope that there is is in Christ. I know, i sound super spiritual….but it is true.

The only way that i could figure that out was to get to the darkest part of my life. I was in such darkness. I had been cutting for 4 years and no one knew. I had a secret. And it was a dark dark place to be in, full of pain and the desire to get caught in hope that someone could help me. I was tired of the darkness. And the only solution i knew was to come clean. To get someone in my head and share the journey with.

This was key for me. To let someone in and know the pains and the hurts. I knew that if I let this remain in the darkness it would grow bigger and bigger and the thing that once started in the search for hope was driving me further and further away from it.

The person I went to had no idea what to say. She often looked at me dumbfounded. the thought of doing that to herself was so absurd that she couldnt understand, but she listened. She was determined to help me in any ways she could, even though she didnt understand.

You cant wait until you understand to help someone. And this is what I see happening. So many people know people who self injure and are trying to learn why they do it. Each person has their story. And if you ask, I am sure they will share. It is a very dangerous thing to get into. You may not realize the roots that it can create in your life. But I would encourage you to share your story with someone.

But without sounding like a public service announcement, if you self injure or know someone who does please please please let someone in. Let someone into your darkness. It will hurt at first. It will be uncomfortable. It will be embarrassing. But if you live in the darkness alone your life will never change. Let someone in and bring the light into your pain.

Find your hope.

This is a post by Lynes and she has given permission for others to post it, to raise awareness and promote understanding of self harm. I personally thank her for sharing her story and the compassion she shows for others healin.... Abz

*In no way does Random endorse Christianity or any other form of religion

Self Injury Is Functional?

"We must understand that in the trauma survivor, self injury is functional. It always performs some deep, underlying function. Most generally, it’s an attempt to ward off worse harm."– David Calof

Tonight when I read this quote it was the first that resonated for me personally. I suffered a trauma at 11 and left for dead. After the hospitalisation & police investigations ended, my parents solution was to move us from the city & it was not to be spoken of again . Life was good, new home, school, family, horse and dog.

At 13-14 I remember I was in an out of control rage, against myself, family anyone near me. I was destructive, violent, smashing things, threatening others, running away being returned. I began carrying a knife (I still have that habit to this day) I liked that people feared me but I was also frightened of what I was capeable of. I had no way to control what I was feeling ,this rage, let alone understand it. It was raw & pure. I still don't know what triggered it. It alienated my father, who hasnt spoken to me to this day & confused my brothers who loved me.

My parents and the system inflicted school counsellors, psychiatrists, hospitalisations for violence and failed suicides. However I learnt that hurting myself stopped that anger, lessened it, dulled it. It stopped me reacting instantly (if that makes sense) .... It stopped the outward, out of control rage, it stopped me hurting others ...

Until I read that quote I never thought of it as functional or an attempt to ward of greater harm but in reflection thats what it was. At the time I thought I was the only one that was aware. Like the initial trauma, it was something that became not spoken of, secret, shameful. Counsellors all liked the change in me, (I stopped being emotionally honest and faked calm) they and my parents each patted themselves on the back and happily wrote me off as cured. My self destructive life had begun.

It occured to me tonight that after being hurt at 11, I then spent over 20 years hurting myself ... what an incredible price to pay...

ps... the quote is from Cavalcade has specialized in producing training videos for therapists and other professionals working with clients who have a history of psychological trauma.

Alternatives

Harming yourself is not the only way to cope with your feelings. Here are some of the ideas other young people have come up with to find different ways of coping. Some may work for you! A lot depends on thinking about why you are self harming. People often harm themselves because they can find no other way to relieve a feeling of being overwhelmed by intense emotions.

These emotions commonly fall into five groups:

Anger and frustration : Feeling so wound up and annoyed that you want to scream and shout. (in this case animals would claw at themselves).

Low self esteem (punishment): Feeling so undervalued and low that you want to harm and feel you may even deserve it.

Dissociation : Feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on around, you want to escape or distract yourself by making a louder metaphorical noise.

Control and focus : Feeling that so much is out of your control that the only thing that you can control is the harm you inflict on yourself.

Self nurture : Feeling unreal and needing to harm to know you exist, or to help yourself heal.

Young people have suggested alternatives to the emotions above. Ive chosen to focus on anger today, I will post on the other emotions at a later date or you can use the link above.

Anger/ frustration

Try screaming/ crying/ hugging someone. No way was anyone hugging me!, though I have heard of a woman screaming beside train tracks as the train goes past.

Try having a cold shower. My personal fave

Try biting on something like a lemon to give you a sharp sensation.

Try exercising, going for a walk/ run. One of my first strategies with rage was to run, one of my best, however it also put me at risk. I would run at night and I often found myself lost (day or night). I would count my paces (screaming them in my head) & it would physically exhaust me. It helps if someone will pick you up when the rage/urge has passed & your runned out

Try hitting something not alive, for example a pillow or punch bag. I have tried belting a bed with a broom, but I think it was the combined screaming that made this effective.

Perhaps talking to the object you are hitting, explaining what's wrong. I found swearing my insides out rather than explaining worked.

Try making a soft cloth doll, rip/cut it up to represent how you feel instead of doing it to yourself. ??? Never tried this one..if someone has let me know. although i have ripped soft toys apart (you can get them cheap at the op-shop)

Try listening to loud/ angry music, dance/ sing along. Still works for me, but not in initial stages

Try dropping ice into a bath or throwing it against a wall so it shatters, or hit a tree with a stick. You could also slash up a plastic bottle, flatten cans for recycling.

Try making clay models to smash.

Try squeezing silly putty then stretching it until it snaps.

Try talking to someone. Personally I couldnt 'talk' at these times.

[taken from:www.lcet.org]

my comments in red

Ice, Ice Baby ... :)

Long before I knew anything about my why's, or of triggers, before therapy or even understanding that my coping skills were destructive, I knew I was dealing with a physical feeling that I couldn't contain.

I don't feel from 12 onwards that I ever did anger, lost my temper, got cross, I did rage. It was pure & unadulterated, I went from 0 to 100 in 10 seconds. It was frightening for me as I had little memory of these episodes but I knew from the reactions of those around me in the aftermath that it was frightening for them.

I learnt how to control and contain the anger ... but it was at a high cost to me and even more destructive.

Years later one of the first therapists in recovery gave me a list of alternatives to destructive behaviour, ie walk with a friend, garden WTF! Needless to say she didn't last long...lol...

The first alternative for me that worked was ice ... I stocked up on the stuff ... I would put it in the sink with a few inches of water (while the tap run I would run ice over my hands & wrists) I would plunge my hands in till I couldn't feel them ... if the anger surfaced through this I would put my face in or splash it with water. Focusing on getting the water ready, the sensation of cold slowed my thinking quickly. I went from the hectic to the here and now, the urge ebbed ... it stopped the flashes of memory almost instantly... I now know this as grounding

Over time, I abandoned the ice and used cold showers.

There are alot of alternatives to SH out there, and the key is identifying the emotion behind it, your own 'why'. For me it was anger and disassociation. I will bring together articles from the net and do a weekly post on alternatives (on Tuesdays)but I wanted to share one that worked for me and why.... If you have others let us know and we can build up a collection. What works for me may not be so for others and your input would be great as always..... Abz