Limiting The Damage (Part 1)

I do not recommend self-harm and would strongly urge people to always consider alternatives to self-harm first, such as talking about your feelings (if you can), distracting yourself, or trying safer alternatives. If you are going to self-harm, or you already have, I hope you find the following information useful.

If you self-harm...

• Be aware of basic first-aid and have a well stocked first aid kit handy.
• Make sure you are up to date with your tetanus jab (check with your GP – you should have a tetanus vaccination every ten years). Tetanus is a serious infection.
• Avoid alcohol and drugs - being intoxicated might mean you cause more damage than you planned, and might affect your ability to react to an emergency.
• Work on developing your other coping skills, to reduce the desire to self-harm
• Don’tever feel that you are unworthy of medical care, and try not to let the possible response of medical staff put you off seeking help – your health is more important.
• Take care of yourself - you might not feel like it at the time but may later be glad.

IMPORTANT! If you’re ever in ANY doubt as to how serious the injury is, always seek medical advice.

Items to include in your first aid kit (available from any chemist, supermarket) Bandages, plasters, skin closure dressings Adhesive strips (such as steri-strips) Adhesive tape for securing dressings, and scissors Antiseptic spray or wipes Basic first aid book or leaflet

Seek medical attention if…..

• The blood is pumping – continue to apply pressure and call 000(Aus), 999(Eng) 911(US).
• The bleeding does not stop after 10 minutes of applying pressure.
• The cut is very large or very deep, or may require stitches.
• There is a chance that nerves or tendons have been affected.
• You go into shock (see next page)
• The injury is on a joint – this can cause long-term movement difficulties.
• Something is embedded (stuck) in the wound.
• The cut involves the mouth, face, hand or genitals.
• The cut does not heal properly.
• The cut shows signs of infection (it is red, sore, or painful, hard or has pus oozing out)

[taken in part: Docstoc]

Boundaries #2

When you set a boundary you let go of the outcome.

• When you look outside yourself for self-definition and self-worth, you are giving your power away and setting yourself up to be a victim. Society has trained you to be victim. You have been taught to give your power away.

• As just one small example of how pervasively you were trained to be a victim, consider how often you have said, or heard someone say, "I have to go to work tomorrow." When a person says "I have to" they are making a victim statement. To say, "I have to get up, and I have to go to work," is a lie. No one forces an adult to get up and go to work. The truth is "I choose to get up and I choose to go to work today, because I choose to not have the consequences of not working."

• To say "I choose" is not only the truth, it is empowering and acknowledges an act of self-love. When we "have to" do something we feel like a victim. And because we feel victimized, we will then be angry, and want to punish whomever we see as forcing us do something we do not want to do.

• We always have a choice. The choice may sometimes seem to be awful - but in reality, allowing ourselves to buy into the illusion that we are trapped will have far worse consequences in the long run.

taken from:Heart2Heart
Image:Self Love by ~ArmSock666

Life

I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungratful to those teachers.

Kahil Gibran

Art by Michael Leunig

Tuesdays Alternatives To Avoid Self-harm

If you self-injure to…Deal with anger that you cannot express openly, try working through those feelings by doing something different – running, dancing fast, screaming, punching a pillow, boxing bag, throwing something, ripping something apart (soft toys)

If you hurt yourself in order to…Feel something when you feel numb inside, hold ice cubes in one hand and try to crush them, hold a package of frozen food, take a very cold shower, chew something with a very strong taste (like chili peppers, raw ginger root, or a grapefruit peel), wear an elastic rubber band around your wrist and snap it (in moderation to avoid bruising) when you feel like hurting yourself

If you inflict physical pain to…Calm yourself, try taking a bubble bath, doing deep breathing, writing in a journal, drawing, or doing some yoga

If you harm to…See blood, try drawing a red ink line where you would usually cut yourself, in combination with the other suggestions above. Fingerpaint with RED paint. Draw hands on paperand slash with red paint.

[taken in part: Helpguide.Org]

Tip #4

I had a best friend. He always told me... try to be nice to Abbey and don't take yourself so seriously. When things start getting shaky I find something, it doesn't have to be big, but something that makes me feel like I am being nice to me. (Stopping to look at the sky, or a little flower no-one else sees, or just making a decision to smile no matter how my day seems to be.)

When I create that one moment for myself, my outside stresses and situations might not change but I change how I am processing them and I am back in control of me, and for the rest of the day I am ok.



[Facing Us.Org]

Medical Treatment For Self Harm

There may be sometimes when the individual requires medical treatment for their self harm. If this is the case the individual should expect to be treated sensitively and with the same level of care and attention as any other patient. (There are a set of guidelines produced for NHS staff to advise them how they should treat people who self harm.)

Unfortunately this is not always the case, and it will help if you are prepared and able to advocate for the person who has harmed themselves. Be aware that going to a GP or A & E for treatment of self harm is most likely going to be a very difficult experience for someone who self harms as this is a very public arena for a very private act.

Try to ensure the individual is given a private area to speak to the health care professional and that they are given a choice in their treatment - even if their choice is one you disagree with.
Any individual who has self harmed has the right to pain relief and thorough treatment for their harm, and should not be exposed to judgment or criticism by the healthcare professional.
If the person is bleeding heavily, has taken an overdose or ingested a substance, take the person to A & E as this could be life threatening. We are not healthcare professionals and cannot give advice on first aid.

A majority of cases of self harm are not serious enough to warrant medical intervention so individuals may never come into contact with healthcare services for their self harm. In these cases it is often beneficial for the individual to manage their own first aid by dressing their wounds and keeping them clean and dry.

[taken from Harmless]

Honoring Yourself

Set some time aside just for you each week. It could be 30 minutes for a coffee to a whole day of bush-walking up a mountain lol. Set yourself a budget and make sure you set aside the money. If you have no money, think of something that is free. Do something that honors and nurtures you. It could be the same thing every week, it could be something new each time. It could be by yourself, or with a friend. If you are stuck for ideas, think about what you would organize for a friend or someone else you love.

How about these ideas (approximate budget in brackets)....

• Go out for coffee and cake - take your favorite book, or read the newspapers at the cafe ($10)
• Take yourself to the movies ($10)
• Have a bath - pour in oils and bubbles ($4 - $10)
• Visit the library and find a favorite book, or something that could be a new favorite (free)
• Eat your lunch under a tree or in a park (free after you have got your lunch)
• Ask a friend over for coffee and a laugh ($4 inc a packet of chocolate biscuits)
• Watch a sunset/sunrise (free)
• Walk along a beach (free)
• Hire a dvd - make popcorn and hot chocolate and settle yourself down ($4 - $10)
• Sleep in (free)
  
• Walk bare foot on dewy grass (free)
• Treat yourself and cook your favorite meal ($ depends on your tastes lol)
• Write thank you letters to someone like a shop assistant who gave excellent service or the woman down the road who always waves when you go by - leave it anonymous

You only limit is your imagination :-)

This Week At ...

Post Secret

National Institute For Health & Clinical Excellence

Self-harm

Self-harm: The short-term physical and psychological management and secondary prevention of self-harm in primary and secondary care
Guidance type: Clinical guideline
Date issued: July 2004
Expected review date: July 2008
Reference: CG16
Summary Documents Implementation Development history
Summary
The NICE clinical guideline on self-harm covers:
the care people who harm themselves can expect to receive from healthcare professionals in hospital and out of hospital
the information they can expect to receive
what they can expect from treatment
what kinds of services best help people who harm themselves
The guideline does not attempt to explain self-harm or describe the treatment in detail.
Top

Documents
For healthcare professionals
CG16 Self-harm: Full guideline
CG16 Self-harm: Algorithms
CG16 Self-harm: Quick reference guide
CG16 Self-harm: NICE guideline
For patients, carers and the public
CG16 Self-harm: Information for the public
Background information
2004/031 New guideline to standardise care for people who self-harm
CG16 Self-harm: Distribution list
Scope: Self-harm

Nice Home Page

Friday Readers Story

Hi my name is Jay Jay,

I started cutting at the end of 7th grade and now am in 8th. I did it off and on. I did it really bad on night when i was so mad. then it wouldn't stop bleeding. I told my dad and I showed him. He said it didn't need medical treatment. But then he started crying. That hurt me a lot more than anything.

But then he asked why. At that point I was like ' Well because i am sad and I wish i had my mom.' she has been locked up for like 5 years. I get really sad and don't know how to handle it. Then now I go to counseling and I am doing better. I still think about it so much but then I look at the scars and just break down. So that stops me a lot of times.

If you don't feel ready to stop self-harming

If self-harm has become part of your life and helps you deal with your feelings it may be difficult to imagine coping without it.
You may not feel ready to stop right now.

This is understandable as stopping will mean a big change in your life. Until you feel ready to stop try to look after yourself take care of your injuries;

If you are cutting yourself use something clean and preferably sterile

Never share needles or cutting tools with anyone else

Clean any wounds, no matter how small to stop them becoming infected - just ordinary tap water will do

If you think a wound might be infected - if the skin around the wound becomes tender painful, red or swollen - or an injury doesn't heal, see a doctor or nurse as soon as possible

Even if you don't want to stop yet, it's important to try to talk to someone you can trust - friend, brother, sister, grandparent, parent, teacher, school nurse, social worker, GP etc. Any of these people might be able to help by listening to your problems and perhaps help you to cope with your feelings in a different way.

[Self Harm.Org.UK]

What Self-injury Is & Isn't

Self-injury is behavior in which people deliberately harm their own bodies in some way to cope with overwhelming emotions. Self-injury frequently is an impulsive act. You may become upset and spontaneously seek a way to hurt yourself, recklessly doing damage to your body. Other times, self-injury may be inflicted in a controlled, methodical manner. You may even plan it in advance, taking steps to avoid detection and to prevent infections.

Self-injury isn't the same as injury that arises from culturally sanctioned practices in some parts of the world, including scarring, piercing and tattooing, which historically have been considered forms of self-mutilation. Self-injury is distinguished from such practices by the emotional intent behind it — it's an unhealthy coping method for overwhelming feelings.

Self-injury also isn't the same as a suicide attempt. For instance, someone may try to harm himself or herself by taking an overdose of medication, but stop short of taking a lethal dose. In self-injury, the intent isn't to die, but to inflict bodily harm. However, self-injury can accidentally result in suicide.

Types of self-injurySelf-injury is most commonly associated with cutting, which involves making cuts or scratches on your body. Cutting can be done with any sharp object, including knives, needles, razor blades or even fingernails.

Most frequently, the arms, legs and front of the torso are the targets of self-injury because these areas can be easily reached and easily hidden under clothing. But any area of the body may be subjected to self-injury.

Some people don't feel pain while they're hurting themselves, even when creating deep cuts. Others do find self-injury painful but welcome the pain as a punishment or as a distraction from emotional turmoil.

There are many types of self-injury besides cutting, and someone may engage in one or more of them. Other types of self-injury include:

Burning
Poisoning or overdosing
Scratching
Carving words or symbols on the skin
Breaking bones
Hitting or punching
Piercing the skin with sharp objects
Head banging
Pulling out hair
Interfering with wound healing
Pinching
Biting

Some experts consider overexercising a form of self-injury, as well as stopping medication in an attempt to cause harm to yourself.

[Link: Mayo Clinic]

Oh Yes!

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr Seuss

Boundaries #1

Learning how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own yourself, of learning to respect yourself, of learning to love yourself. If you never have to set a boundary, then you will never get in touch with who you really are - will never learn to define yourself in a healthy way.

Setting a boundary is not making a threat - it is communicating clearly what the consequences will be if the other person continues to treat us in an unacceptable manner. It is a consequence of the other person's behavior.

Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control the other person - although some of the people who you set boundaries with will certainly accuse you of that - just as some will interpret it as a threat. Setting a boundary is a part of the process of defining yourself and what is acceptable to you. It is a major step in taking what control you can of how you allow others to treat you. It is a vital responsibility to yourself and your life.

Setting a boundary is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a good healthy way and manipulating is this:

When you set a boundary you let go of the outcome.

About Setting Boundaries

• Setting boundaries means that you are taking responsibility, being adult and demanding equality and respect in a relationship.


• Setting boundaries reflects your right to say NO to those things that aren't right for you.


• Setting boundaries is about learning to take care of yourself, no matter what happens, where you go or who you are with.


• Boundaries emerge as we learn to value, trust and listen to yourself.


• Boundaries emerge from a belief that what you want, need, like and dislike is important.


• Boundaries emerge from deep decisions about what you believe you deserve and don't deserve.

taken from:Heart2Heart

Image:Self Love by ~ArmSock666

Publication/Enquiry 2006

National Conference debates the findings of Truth Hurts, the 96 page (pdf)report of the National Inquiry into Self-harm among Young People

Over 100 senior managers and policy makers came together at the British Library to hear from a range of speakers on the implications of the findings of the National Inquiry, and to debate how to improve the experience of young people who self harm, their families and friends.

Speakers included a young person with personal experience of self-harm, who movingly described her ongoing struggle to find alternative ways of coping, and the critical difference that had been made in her life by finding a GP able to work with her to tackle the need to self-harm. A range of professionals also spoke from their perspective: the medical advisor for the RCN discussed the challenges of “safe” self harm, a human right lawyer laid out the complex legal framework within which treatment decisions need to be made, and the conference heard from counselling services in schools and universities about what interventions appear to be successful. The governor of Styal prison discussed the high rates of self harm among women prisoners and the need to support staff to deal with highly distressing situations, and the leader of an in-patient psychiatric unit described the unit’s move from an approach based on stopping self harm to one that sought to allow patients a sense of control and responsibility over the self-harming behaviour.

Andrew McCulloch, Chief Executive of the Mental Health Foundation, urged all professionals to re-engage with their core skills of empathy and a non-judgemental approach to offering support to young people who self-harm. He outlined the Mental Health Foundation’s intention to develop training for front-line professionals.

Animal Assisted Therapy

Pets & Mental Health.

"In today's highly specialized and complex society, modern Man comes into contact with more people in one day than our ancestors did in a lifetime. It has become necessary to speed up the process of attachments, and it is more difficult to develop meaningful relationships....Loneliness is not knowing others: it is not being known by others....Dogs permit their owners to be themselves so that they can risk self-disclosure and form attachments."
--- Judy Harris

Animals in a home may serve as a talisman against loneliness and depression. They may add a sense of safety and protection. They may encourage physical activity and social interaction with one's neighbors. They can be outlets of hobbies and opportunities for club interests. They may be the substitutes for children absent. The responsibilities and daily rituals of care may provide a touchstone of reality. They may divert one's cares and troubles. They are socially-acceptable conversation pieces and opportunities for touching.

There is greater "plasticity" in pet/human relationships than in most human/human relationships: rules regulating roles in parental, sibling, marital and friendship relationships are more socially structured and codified.

Pets may serve as a "clock," providing a sense of order and a daily ritual for people. Pets may give us a realistic, naturalistic touchstone, a baseline of animal behavior against which we can sometimes compare our own troubles and put our own lives into perspective:

Pets have frequently been described as non-threatening and non-judgmental companions. "The unambivalent nature of the exchange of affection between people and animals differs from exchanges with close family members and other relatives. Pets are a source of comfort that can be scheduled on demand of the owner, in almost any quantity, without bargaining or supplication," argued researchers Aaron Katcher and Erika Friedmann.

"Perhaps the most important health-related aspect of the human-animal relationship is play," said Robert Fagen of the University of Pennsylvania. "Animals that play are healthier and frequently live longer than those that don't. I would be willing to bet that interacting with an animal makes a person more sensitive in relationships with other human.

The presence of pets in a household seems to contribute to the development of children's trust and self-esteem. Pets have also been observed to contribute to the development of ego strength in people in institutions.

Source: Animal Therapy.Net

Image: Abbey & Chelsea

Quote

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.”

[click to enlarge]

Image: Goodbye my lover by *aphostol

Tip #3

It's not all about me

One of the things I don't like about these illnesses is that my focus is so much on ME all the time. How am I feeling? What am I doing? Is this sadness or a depressive downturn? Am I happy or is this a manic upswing? So I try and ask my friends and co workers every day how THEY are, what is new in THEIR life. It gets me out of my own head to practice asking about other people every single day.

Image:Best Friends by ~Midnitesho
Tip: Facing Us.Org

Friday Readers Story

Anonymous said...

Cutting is something that happens alot to young people and adults. It's a habit I too had and still deal with it after 30 years. It started as a way to relieve myself from the abuse I was receiving from my father. Then when bad things or failure was part of my life I would continue to cut. I cant tell you why but I can tell you it's a feeling like no other. In a sick twisted way you feel better and in control of something for once in your own life and with your own body. It's not anyone's fault why people struggle with this- it's just a way people cope. Other people have other ways like eating disorders etc.. It's dangerous, when you start you find its hard to stop- please get help if you are struggling, but know your not a bad person. Start to love who you are, I have found for me that is the best way to cope with cutting.
January 2, 2008

Me Update

Tonight I feel stong, centred, happy with who I am, where I am at in life.

I feel loved by my brother, I don't have a close family and he rang for my advice with his son, It felt nice. I've been working on boundaries, identifying the things, the people, the relationships I want in my life. Ive been reconnecting with people from my past, cutting off those who are not good for my soul.

I've been working on myself, not sleeping as much, getting up earlier, small things like nails, hair. Ive gotten my new tattoo. I'm getting outside with the hound and walking. Tasting, smelling, living in the moment. Making committments with friends and keeping them. Being honest with my Dr about where my head and meds are at.

Ive been away from the computer & am making an effort use a (goddam) phone. Each night Ive rang 1 person who Ive not talked to for a while. This is hard for me. If Im not at work I tend to isolate at home. Weeks can go buy without me being with friends or family, because I don't need people its often hard for me to understand they may need me in their life.

I've been laughing alot, enjoying the fact that others need me in their life. So this is a good period ...

Image:No Angel by =Lunay

Self Harm Affects ALL Aspects of the Self.

Body direct damage to the skin and other body parts, the inappropriate use or overdose of prescribed medications and "over the counter" drugs, the use of street drugs, alcohol and tobacco the inappropriate consumption of too much or too little food binging, purging and vomiting

Mind - negative self-talk which constitutes internal verbal self-abuse self-criticism and harsh judgment put-downs, insults to self rejecting one's self.

Spirit "hanging-on" to shame and unnecessary guilt.

Social Aspects of Life - setting himself or herself up for loss, rejection and abandonment (isolation) activities both verbal and physical which negatively affect family and friends, misusing financial resource. (I would add secrecy, dishonesty & trust issues)

Source: Crescent Life

The Journey

You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.

Wellness Wednesday

Tiger Balm

Tiger Balm is an ancient Chinese formula originally developed for use by Chinese Emperors for relieving pain and increasing circulation in the area where it is applied.

Used primarily for relief from muscular aches and pains, Tiger Balm’s active ingredients include camphor, menthol and clove oil. Tiger Balm comes in three types:white - a gentle colourless formula that can be used as a chest rub - the stronger red coloured ointment that produces a greater sensation of heat. A liniment version for massaging into large areas where there is muscular or joint pain ...

I use the red Tiger Balm for headaches ... It's not too expensive and I always have it in the first-aid kit. I apply a tiny bit to each temple and rub softly. Do be extremely careful not to get it near your eyes. I combine this with drinking alot of water (especially in summer) as the headache is often through dehydration (especially if I have become stressed or overworked) I forget to keep up the supply of H2O. Using the balm means I rarely have to resort to paracetamol.

If you would like to join in Wellness Wednesday, you can link here at my other site. Basically this is our first week of posting tips, ideas, thoughts on small things we do to enhance our health. By sharing our ideas we hope to build a data base of ideas & empower ourselves with regards to our day to day health. Hope you join us ... Abz

What Can I Do 2 Stop Self-harming?

The single most important thing to remember is that you have choices: stopping self-injury can begin now.

• Knowledge is power. Gather as much information as possible about your own behaviour. Keep notes of what is going on when you feel the need to harm yourself, so that you can identify, over a period of time, specific thoughts which come up. It's also useful to keep a daily diary of events and feelings, and to record how you cope with or channel powerful emotions of anger, pain or happiness.
  
• Try to talk about your feelings with someone supportive. Even though you may feel you are alone, there are others who can understand your pain and help to boost your strength and courage. Many people find that joining a support group of people with similar problems is an important step towards making themselves feel better, and changing their lives. If there are no appropriate support groups in your area, your local Mind associations may be able to help start one. (See Useful organisations for more information.)


• Work on building up your self-esteem. Remember you are not to blame for how you feel; your self-injury is an expression of powerful negative feelings. It's not your fault. Make lists of your feelings, and then write positive statements about yourself, or the world around you. If you can't think of any, ask friends to write things they like about you. Keep these in a place so that they are visible. Make a tape of your own voice saying something affirming or reading your favourite stories or poems. Hearing your own voice can be soothing, or you can ask someone you trust to record their voice reading to you.
  
• Try to find ways to make your life less stressful, give yourself occasional treats, eat healthily, get plenty of sleep and build physical activity into your life, because this is known to boost self-esteem and lift low moods.
• Have the telephone numbers of friends, or local and national helplines where you can find them easily, if you need to talk to somebody in a crisis. (See Useful organisations.)
  Think about your anger and what you do with it. If you weren't busy being angry with yourself, who would you really be angry with? Write a list of people who have caused you to feel like this. Remind yourself you deserve good things in life, not punishment for what others have done to you.
• Line up a set of cushions to represent people who caused you pain. Tell them how they hurt you and that you don't deserve punishment. Kicking or hitting cushions is good. Try to do this with someone else, if possible, so that the experience is shared and you do not hurt yourself.
• Creativity is a powerful tool against despair. This doesn't have to be about making something. Whatever lifts you out of your pain and makes you feel good is creative. If you feel like it, try drawing or painting how you feel. Some people draw on themselves, using bright body colours.
• If you feel the need to self-harm, focus on staying within safe limits. A supportive GP will give you good advice on minimising and caring for your injuries and help you to find further help.

[taken in part from Mind.Org.Uk]

Inspiring You

One way to improve the way you look at yourself is to constantly remind yourself of all of the positives about you and life. So how about using positive quotes - and then you stick them everywhere. They could be scrawled on post-it notes, printed out in black and white, scrapbooked - whatever works for you. And some shops even sell stickers and magnets with positive bits on them.

Unsure where to start? How about this list as a starting point ....

When you cannot make up your mind which of two even balanced courses of action you should take - choose the bolder. Ezra Pound

To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. ee cummings

When you can be yourself, why try to be a clone of someone else?

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection. Buddha

I want it said of me by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow. Abraham Lincoln

It's not what you are that holds you back, it's what you think you're not. Denis Waitley

Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say why not?
Robert Kennedy

Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But at other times it's essential to take tome off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down the rainbow.

If a man does his best, what else is there? General George S Patton

Life loves the liver of it. Maya Angelou

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.

Don't mind criticism. If it's untrue, disregard it; if it's unfair, keep from irritation; if it's ignorant, smile; if it's justified, learn from it.

I think it's important that we don't all have to hold our heads high all the time saying everything's fine. Nicole Kidman

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. George Bernard Shaw

I have not failed. I have found 10,000 ways that don't work. Thomas Edison

I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then. Lewis Carroll

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Maya Angelou

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force. I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice, my responsibility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. Elaine Maxwell

There is nothing noble in being superior to someone else. The true nobility is being superior to your previous self.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely. Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a big world out there. Bigger than prom, bigger than high school and it won't matter if you were the prom queen or the quarterback of the football team or the biggest nerd, Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.

Nothing would be done at all if a man waited until he could do it so well that no-one could find fault with it. Cardinal Newman

We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated. Maya Angelou

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. Oscar Wilde

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. Winnie the Pooh

Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.

Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. John Wayne

The journey of a thousand leagues begins with single step. Lao Tzu

Keep pace with the drummer you have, however measured or far away. Henry David Thoreau

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. Oscar Wilde

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

When the tides of life turn against you and the current upsets your boat, don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lie on your back and float

Keep your drams alive. Understand that to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination and dedication. Remember all things are possible for
those who believe. Gail Deevers

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. William Feather

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. Henry David Thoreau

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
Willie Nelson

This Week At ...

Post Secret

Me ...

Getting it done.

Friday Readers Story

Daisy said...
Hey,I'm 16 years old and I cut myself - mainly because its the only way I can feel pain. Sounds weird, I know, but because I have so much mental pain in my head I can't feel it, I feel that the only way I can feel it is by having physical pain inflicted on me.I stopped cutting for over 6 months, and then about a month ago, things at school got so bad that I couldn't stop myself from cutting myself. I feel so weak and dumb now. Does the fact that I gave into temptation make me a weak, stupid person??? I think it does. I've tried to kill myself once, and all I can thing about is myself hanging from a tree. I get images and they scare me.

Daisy xxx
December 5, 2007

Tip #2

Sleep
Instead of laying in bed obsessing about how I am not sleeping, I get up and do one of three or four things: 1) I write a list about what ever I am obsessing about, and then let it go 2) I vacuum or do other light cleaning - but for no more than 10 minutes 3) I take a ten minute bath using a soothing bath gel like a lavender scent 4) I write in my journal.

[FacingUs.Org]

What If I Told You ...

Wordless Wednesday - Unique

Don't quit

Don't quit when the tide is lowest,

For it's just about to turn;

Don't quit over doubts and questions,

For there's something you may learn.

Don't quit when the night is darkest,

For it's just a while 'til the dawn;

Don't quit when you've run the farthest,

For the race is almost won.

Don't quit when the hill is steepest,

For your goal is almost nigh;

Don't quit, for you're not a failure

Until you fail to try.

-Jill Wolf

Website

Found this cool site with self-help on almost any topic.. they also have work books for parents, and work books for medical conditions ie, cancer etc. Its called Coping.Org. [I hope they dont mine that Ive included their links here but it was easier than trying to explain it all. These are only a few. I recommend you check their site for others. Ive only tried a couple so if anyone else gives them a go let me know what you think.... Abz

Adults' Tool Box
Tools for Coping Series
The SEA's Program
Laying the Foundation
Tools for Handling Loss
Tools for Personal Growth
Tools for Relationships
Tools for Communication
Tools for Anger Work-Out
Tools for Handling Control Issues
Growing Down: Tools for Healing the Inner Child
Tools for a Balanced Lifestyle
Strategies for Success in Weight Management Program Site
Tools for Victorious Living
Links for Adults using Tools for Coping Materials

Black

How do you describe depression to someone who has no concept, people close try to understand, nod their heads in the right place but have no concept really.

Depression is not blue nor sad...depression is like functioning in a world when your body is floating in honey or glue ... when the smallest thing, most normal things, getting out of bed, showering ... are so far off your radar they may as well be Mount Kosciusko...

Ive watched storms, from a headland, watched them out at sea, build up, black ... slowly rolling towards land... depression is like that, you can feel it coming and do little ... till your engulfed in black.

Depression is noise sensitive, sensory overload, voices of others too loud... too much input, deafening ... you retreating inside, hide, your own inner voice monotone, one track, negative, black but you hear little else. Confusion, but familiarity...

Food has no taste, no purpose, depression feeds itself ... endless weeping, no energy, not just tired but bone achingly worn... Breathing is meaningless, life is meaningless as you turn on yourself.

I releated to this picture very much.

Image: depression by ~echok

So Who Are You?

Okay there are many, many memes that circulate through the blogosphere and while this may look like one, it's not. Call it a self checklist - and it can be as private or as public as you want it to be.

If something needs to be changed tomorrow, then feel very free - this is all yours. And you can do it once, or you could make a point of doing them regularly (one a month, a couple of times a year, etc) or when you are in a particular mood - whatever works for you.

Name	......................
4 adjectives (describing words)	......................
Brother/sister of	......................
Who loves	......................
Who feels	......................
Who finds happiness in	......................
Who needs	......................
Who gives	......................
Who fears	......................
Who would like to see	......................
Who enjoys	......................
Who likes to	......................
Who lives	......................
Who would like to be	......................

What things on the list do you like? What bits would you like to change? If you gave it to your best friend (or someone else who knows you) do you think they would give the same answers?

I do these lists regularly and I almost always keep my lists - that way I can look back on them to see how I have changed and it helps to develop some goals for things I might want to do today, this week or this year.

It is also handy when, on the days that have gone pear-shaped to look back and remind myself of the things that make me happy, the things I like about myself and any other positives I may have written down.

I got the checklist from the Children, Youth and Women's Health Service.

A & E

New Guidelines to Standardise Care for People Who Self Harm.

The National Institute for Clinical Excellence (NICE) have issued new guidelines to standardise care for people who self harm in England and Wales.

Firstly, the new guideline makes recommendations for the physical, psychological and social assessment and treatment to be offered to people in the first 48 hours after a self harming incident. This covers all acts of self harm.

• Everyone who it is believed to have self harmed, should be offered a preliminary psycho-social assessment when at the triage stage.
• Proper care of a physical injury should not reflect a patients willingness to undergo psycho-social assessment or psychiatric treatment.
• Self harmers should receive the same care, dignity, respect and privacy as is offered to any other patient. Healthcare professionals should be supportive and take into account the distress of the self harm patient, over and above the nature of the injury.
• Accident and Emergency departments should have activated charcoal available at all times for self harm patients who have self-poisoned or overdosed.
• Always use proper anaesthesia and/or analgesia if treatment for self injury is painful.
• All staff who come into contact with people who self harm should receive appropriate training.
• All people who have self harmed should be assessed for future risk of self harm or suicide.
• Health professionals should take account of emotional distress as well as physical distress.
• Medical staff should not delay treatment because it is self inflicted.
• Acts of self harm by the elderly should be regarded as evidence of suicidal intent until proven otherwise.
• The key phychological characteristics associated with risk, in particular, depression, hopelessness and continuing suicidal intent, should be identified.

Dr Tim Kendall, a consultant psychiatrist and co-director of the National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health, is reported to have said: "Self harm and suicide have now become the third leading cause for life years lost after cancer and heart disease in all age groups. Few people providing care in casualty understand why people self harm and don't know how to help them effectively.

"Hopefully, this statement won't be true for much longer!

[taken from: Distant Healer.Co.UK]

Treatment Strategies

Self-injurious behavior can be reduced and eventually extinguished once the adolescent is ready to embrace alternative behaviors designed to promote healthier communication, self-comfort and genuine healing.

Psychotherapy — It is extremely important to work with a helping professional who has an expertise in self-injurious behavior or related disorders. Psychotherapy can provide a non-judgmental and supportive environment where self-injury can be processed openly and the meaning behind the injury can be explored. Trained therapists can provide safer, alternative ways to communicate, self-soothe and cope. The use of journaling, art therapy, relaxation techniques, visualizations, cognitive re-framing and affect management are all recommended and useful.

Appropriate contracts that encourage the teenager to write, draw, exercise and self-soothe before engaging in self-injurious behavior are more effective than contracts that demand the immediate cessation of the behavior. When the self-injury is severe, the teenager is unable to integrate strategies and abide by a safety contract or additional problems such as substance abuse or a threatening eating disorder are evident, inpatient treatment is often required.

In addition to working with a trained therapist some teens are able to utilize resources such as personal journaling and drawing, meditation, spiritual support and healthy self-injurious behavior substitutes such as physical exercise.

Psychopharmacology — When self-injurious behavior connects to untreated depression or anxiety, medication can be extremely useful. Anti-depressants can dramatically reduce the negative feelings and cognitions associated with the cycle of self-harm. Anxiolytics prevent the escalation of panic and generalized anxiety, which decreases the need for dissociation and self-injury. Providing a pharmacological safety net also may allow adolescents to process painful trauma memories without becoming flooded or overwhelmed.

[taken in part: *PRP Online]* Performance Resource Press

Tip #1

Prepare ahead of time for your appointments

I keep a special folder (bright colour so I won't lose it so easily) just for my psychiatrist and therapy appointments. I put anything I want to show them such as information about medicines I want to know about, programs I want to get into, or poems & journalling I wrote. I also put my list of questions I always have built up since my last appointment. Of course I bring my "Healing Calendar" where I chart my daily sleep, mood and medicine intake. By having this folder I usually get to cover everything I want to ask while I am with my doctor instead of walking out and 2 minutes after the appointment saying," Oh no, I wanted to ask.....!!!" Then have to wait another month or two before I can ask him.

[Facing Us.Org]

Publication

All of the information here is based on the findings of the National Inquiry into Self-harm among Young People. The Inquiry was carried out by two charities, The Mental Health Foundation and The Camelot Foundation. The Inquiry panel heard evidence from many hundreds of people including young people who self-harm, or have self-harmed in the past, and those who work with or care about them.

This 32 page booklet is based on what they said. You will see the words of young people who have self-harmed throughout this booklet, in the form of quotes.

For more information about the Inquiry and its findings, visit Young People & Self Harm, Nationa Inquiry and the Appendix at the back of this booklet.

Who Is Likely To Engage In Self-injurious Behavior?

Both males and females engage in self-injurious behavior. Self-harm often begins in early adolescence, peaks between the ages of 18 and 24, and decreases as the person enters the 30s and 40s. There are, however, cases of self-harm occurring in much younger children and continuing into middle age.

Adolescents are particularly vulnerable as they face many difficult and inherently stressful developmental challenges. The body undergoes profound change during adolescence. It is a time of physiological and psychological turbulence and uncertainty. Faced with abrupt and embarrassing changes, teens can feel a loss of control of their bodies. For many adolescents, experiencing a sense of alienation from their own bodies becomes a powerful catalyst for and predictor of self-injurious behavior. In addition, teenagers struggle with the need for peer acceptance, shifting peer allegiances, a greater desire for autonomy and control and complicated decisions and conflicts that demand resolution.

Within this overwhelming context, adolescents are at even greater risk when their parents are physically or emotionally unavailable to them. In some families, there may be unhealthy communication, parental alcoholism, untreated mental illness, financial stress, domestic violence and parental neglect or pro-longed absences. Teens are unable to negotiate these challenges, process their feelings and articulate their needs without the guidance, support and feedback of a nurturing caretaker. They simply do not have the required coping skills to manage on their own, and they discover that self-injurious behavior is one way to deal with life.

Teenagers who have undiagnosed and untreated depression and anxiety are more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors as a way to self-soothe and self-medicate. Teens who struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness are equally at risk. Adolescents with dissociative disorders, posttraumatic stress disorder, substance abuse problems and eating disorders are at increased risk to cut or burn. One of the greatest risk factors is a history of physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Trauma survivors learn to internalize their rage and dissociate or "check out" to escape pain. In addition, they have had their perpetrators model a blatant disregard for the safety and well being of their bodies. This combination of experiences almost inevitably sets the stage for some form of self-destructive behavior.

Taken from *PRP Online

*Performance Resource Press

Fridays Readers Story

Ben said...
To be 100% honest, my reason for beginning to burn (which progressed to cutting) wasn't what I've read about on most "help" sites. The reason I started was because I wanted to actually feel pain for the first time and be able to control it. It doesn't bring out a sense of enjoyment like the average family man would have while spending time with his family, but it makes me feel good as I do it and after I do it.

I don't want to sound like someone who is overly compulsive about hurting themselves because that is not the case. I started about a month ago and I think about doing it everyday with two knives and a set of matches sitting on my desk. I'm not sure if I want to stop because I'm not sure if it is a huge problem or not, but I do feel differently about my self-esteem since I started.

The more I burn the more I feel that I am isolating myself. I planned on trying to start a relationship with someone that I know but as i started my self-image shot so far into the toilet that I basically pushed her away and then felt lonely and at a total loss of confidence that she isn't talking to me much anymore. Again, to be completely honest, I'm not even sure why I'm leaving a comment on this site that I found within the last 5 minutes.

Well to get to the point, I'm not sure if I should stop or not because it does 2 things for me: 1. it makes me feel fearless (to a lesser extent) and 2. it is (i think) making me isolate myself from everyone around me. Diagnosed as clinically depressed over a year ago, I have even failed to show, or even talk to my shrink about these things. I'm unsure if what I'm feeling is something that everyone goes through and although my issues don't seem as hard to deal with as some others who has had the courage to share but I do feel it is worth either seeking help for or being told that my reason for burning/cutting is sufficient and that this phase will end soon enough.

There is more to my story if you are interested because I would love to talk to someone who is interested in an unconcerned (parent-like) way.

My email is bensjamin_@hotmail.com
November 30, 2007

Image:Alone by ~bluedicius

See Me ...

See me, is a media campaign in Scotland to stop the stigma associated with mental health. This clip was one that was broadcast in that country. This coincides with the UK, 'Just Like Me' campaign.

Live Life

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.

Diane Ackerman

Wordless Wednesday - Anger

Image: reflecting anger by ~chrisbonney

Website

Kate’s Blog

on Mental Health, Parenting & Wellness Education

Kate McLaughlin speaks and writes about all things mental health.
Her personal experience and positive attitude combine with current research, facts, and proven strategies to encourage those affected by mental illness, inform the unaware, and eradicate the stigma that surrounds diseases of the brain.

Kate is a member of the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation, Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, the Juvenile Bipolar Research Foundation, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and Mental Health America.

Kate has a good article on 10 Myths concerning teen depression that I will feature at a later date

Alternatives

Each Tuesday we've been focusing on alternatives.. I've written on alternatives to anger, and the use of ice. This week, a few suggestions on alternatives to the feeling of dissociation.

Harming yourself is not the only way to cope with your feelings. Here are some of the ideas other young people have come up with to find different ways of coping. Some may work for you! A lot depends on thinking about why you are self harming. People often harm themselves because they can find no other way to relieve a feeling of being overwhelmed by intense emotions.

Dissociation

Dissociation : Feeling so overwhelmed by everything going on around, you want to escape or distract yourself by making a louder metaphorical noise.

• Try squeezing ice or putting a hand in a mixture of water, salt and ice for a few seconds.
• Try putting a rubber band around a wrist then pinging it when you need to. I always have a band on my wrist...its become habit now, like biting my nails...lol.
• Try taking a cold/hot shower.
• Try biting into something like a lemon or a hot pepper. This Ive used, and wasabi.
• Try doing something creative like making a collage, write poetry, bake or paint.
• Try to focus on breathing. I count as I breathe, 1001, 2001, 3001, 4001 etc, in through nose, out through mouth.
• Try to play taxing games like tetris, minesweeper or snake.
• Try choosing an object in the room and describing it as you would to a blind person - its size, weight, colour etc. I sort of do this, but I say, 'Im in the lounge, sitting on a blue chair, my feet are on carpet, I can see a window etc'
• Try scribbling on paper. I do this free form, with no thought, just purging...
• Try being around people, perhaps playing games with a younger sibling, hugging someone or helping someone else.
• Try opening the dictionary in random places and learning new words, also try thinking in another language as you may have to simplify your thoughts. I wouldnt be able to focus enough for this one.
• Try creating a mental 'safe place'. I'm not good at this one but sometimes I combine it with my breathing exercises

Whatever my trigger, I remember the feeling of being overwhelmed, and chanting in my head 'This is not fucking real' over and over, the trick was for me to learn the feeling, sounds easy eh! but to identify it and in the early days just to focus on the word 'Stay'

[taken from Icet.org]