How do you describe depression to someone who has no concept, people close try to understand, nod their heads in the right place but have no concept really.Depression is not blue nor sad...depression is like functioning in a world when your body is floating in honey or glue ... when the smallest thing, most normal things, getting out of bed, showering ... are so far off your radar they may as well be Mount Kosciusko...
Ive watched storms, from a headland, watched them out at sea, build up, black ... slowly rolling towards land... depression is like that, you can feel it coming and do little ... till your engulfed in black.
Depression is noise sensitive, sensory overload, voices of others too loud... too much input, deafening ... you retreating inside, hide, your own inner voice monotone, one track, negative, black but you hear little else. Confusion, but familiarity...
Food has no taste, no purpose, depression feeds itself ... endless weeping, no energy, not just tired but bone achingly worn... Breathing is meaningless, life is meaningless as you turn on yourself.
I releated to this picture very much.
Image: depression by ~echok
4 comments:
Very deep post! Wonderfully written!
Thanks Tammy, I cant say this is how it is for everyone, perhaps others will leave feedback. I strongly feel if more talked about it, raised awareness...then depression wouldnt be so misunderstood
I know I call it the black dog (thanks WInston) but for me it feels like I am in a fog (welcome to my mixed metaphor world). I can't see anything, I have no idea where I am going, my senses are all dulled. The fog condenses on my face and brings constant weeping. And as well as the physical fog, there is the mental one as well - trying to form cognitive thoughts is damn near impossible. And it all takes so much energy just to stay still there is none left for moving in a direction - any direction.
I find that medication works incredibly well for me to the point I rarely have a problem with it anymore - maybe once a year.
I had a visit from the black dog over the past couple of weeks, although he was in the shadows for much of that time so I didn't fully appreciate his presence.
Once I realized he was there, and before he took me over, I formulated some strategies to keep him at bay. I became more aware of my thoughts and ran them through the "is this true" formula before I let it become automatic and grow. I also treated and nurtured myself - I grabbed a coffee and cake one day, I went window shopping another. I bought a new bra, I made myself a special meal, I reached out to a friend - even though I knew what I was saying probably sounded silly.
I shouldn't sound surprised but it really has worked (for me) and the dog is now back in his kennel with the door shut.
Thanks for writing that MG, I related very much to your words...I learnt from Gary Mcdonald (Actor, Beyondblue spokesperson)to write myself a letter when well, to myself...coaching me that Ive been here this will pass...it has at times reached through the fog you describe...
Medication, yes... with self monitoring, constant dialouge with dr...
and talking to a friend definitely, saying this is where i am at, Im not coping...when one can...
You raised some great points...ta Mountaingirl...
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