Nobody's Victim!

I decided before my teens that I was nobodies victim (although I didn't know that terminology). No-one would touch me, physically or emotionally. I would never be used, my barriers were stone. I faced everyone and everything with strength and confidence. Like waves of heat the 'Don't f*ck with me' attitude proceeded and coloured everything I did. No, I was far from a victim, I had a strength that left even I in awe at times ...

but this strength was outward, a shield perhaps, inside I was dying. As fast as I was trying to heal, I was inwardly killing myself.

In recovery the greatest gift I have allowed myself is to develop inward strength, to be ... this is not a short, quick- fix process. Google self help, and the net crawls with books, offers. Louise Hayes and crew make me puke, but I couldn't have done it alone and its probably taken 10yrs of work. It's hard to explain but my greatest battle is always with myself & what an opponent I can be. I had to choose to live & if I was to do that I needed help.

I'm am never anybodys victim, god I hate that word still. I am me! To say I'm a victim negates all I am, have done & have yet to do. It dis-empowers those who are strong. It holds me back in my childhood, says that is all I am or will ever be. It keeps me emotionally frozen in time. In getting inner strength one step of it is taking responsibility, for my past, present and future. One of my greatest lessons was to learn not to be reactive, but develop coping skills before lifes dramas hit me. It was to take responsibility for myself & the future I deserved.

So don't ever call me a victim ...

[Image: Fencing the hand of fate by ~pyzafive]