I have been self harming for 4 years now. i began because i couldnt cope wih my parents divorce but then stress from other things influenced it too such as exams and family problems.
I met this boy when i was 14 and i managed to stop cutting for 4 months. i thought i was 'in love' but then the relationship got really violent and i started again because i couldnt tell anyone he was hitting me. i was ashamed in what i was doing but got made to feel that i deserved it. in my mind i wasnt good enough for anybody and deserved all i got including self inflicted scars.i saw a support worker for a while and with her help i managed to finish with this boy and eventually get my life back.
i have had many other things going on within the last year such as putting up with my mums drinking and her abusive boyfriend but i blocked this out of my life when i moved to a boarding school in the summer. i thought this allowed me to disconnect myself from my family and start fresh. in january we started a new term and i began to disconnect myself from my life at boarding school too. i would skip meals, and just lock myself in my bedroom, often doing nothing. thinking. cutting.
eventually i cried for help but i was treated as if i wanted attention. all i wanted was help because i knew i needed it. within the last month i have taken 6 overdoses and constantly cut myself.
i dont want to die, i want to stop feeling the way i do. i want to be able to socialise but i cant bring myself to it.all i can think about is harming mysle and alhtough i dont want to, i lose the strength and willpower. i managed to get an appointment with the gp, they want to put me on medication to sort the way im feeling but i just feel as if its too late.
1 comments:
Hi Anonymous..
Sweetheart it is far from too late...go to the gp, I'm assuming they are talking anti depressents. These arent some wonder happy pill...but you will get some sleep, and believe me you are able to cope better when your rested. He should also give you a referral to a counsellor/psychologist...take up the offer...You say you stopped eating and that is common, but you need your physical strength, I found in the short term a food diary helped plus a whopping sign on the fridge that said 'EAT'..lol.. isolating to is common, but it is also a personal warning sign, it will let you know when emotionally you are in trouble...do you have anyone at the school you can just hang with?..If not you may have to make a committment to get outside when you feel your self isolating
No baby it is not attention seeking...It is saying I want help. If the school cant or wont give it...grab a phone book...
These tips may not work for you, but they may...you are so worth a good life...it will take a while for that one to sink in but eventually it will....these tips are what worked for me give them a go...try your own...but do keep the gp appointment...and let me know how you get on...Love Abbey...x
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