When Someone Who Self-injures Comes To You

What do you do when someone tells you they are self-injuring?

Most just want you to be there to listen, but realize that more often than not, they may share their story gradually. They’ll test the waters, see if they can trust you, but also if they can trust themselves to handle telling the story. Doing so may be difficult, painful, or shameful for them. For some, the anxiety they feel while even speaking about their struggle could trigger the compulsion to self-injure again.

More tips . . .

Listen with compassion and patience, even when your time with them is short

Ask questions that are helpful for them to move forward, not just to satisfy your curiosity

Help them network with others who can be supportive and encouraging

Talk about strategies for when life is tough–different ways to cope and handle disappointments, hurts, anxiety, anger, shame

Also strategize for those intense moments when they want to hurt themselves—options for what to do for fifteen or twenty minutes or until the urge passes

Make sure you end your time with them with some form of encouragement

Pray for them often and for those times you are meeting and talking

One of the questions I’m often asked is, “When do you refer to a professional counselor?” My answer is to always suggest it. Some may not feel they need it because their self-injury isn’t severe or frequent. But when self-injury is a consistent way of coping, when anxiety and other strong emotions are often present, professional counseling is needed. In that case, involve them in the decision and the plans as much as possible. Work with them to get that help they need.

Finally, be willing to learn more about self-injury. One resource is Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal—A Journey Out of Self-Injury. It tells Jackie’s true story and the stories of others, both girls and guys. It is written to the teen or young adult, but also provides background, help, and tips for those who want to come alongside to help.

Posted by jankern on March 28, 2009