Anonymous said... i started cutting when i was 11 at first it would be the once a month or longer at first it was only with glass then when i went secondary skool people picked on me i felt like i didn't want to live and i tried to commit suicide not by cutting at the time i didn't no it could kill u if u went deep enough i tried to kill myself by wrapping my dads ties around my neck and pulling but removing it at the last minute it felt great tho sometimes i took pills sometimes i would lay under the bath water so i couldn't breath hold pillows on my head.
Then when i was 13 my nan died and cutting seemed to make everything disappear so i did it more often then the buzz stopped so i cut hard and deeper into my arms i regret cuttin but am also addicted just like others
I'm now 17 and trying so hard to stop when i get the need to cut i sit in front of my family because i cant do anything if they are there they don't no about any of this its never gone too far i am good at hiding my secrets and have been hiding them for years now i seem to be good at it.
i haven't cut for about a week now its not long to u but it seems like a life time to me i am proud of myself because of how long iv gone without but when i look at my arms i hate myself even tho I'm stopping cutting the odd one i do now seems to be more serious to me because I'm not only cutting my arms or legs anymore I'm cutting at my wrists I'm scared i will cut deep like some of the cuts on arms and legs because i don't want to die i never have i just want some one to see my pain but they never do.
i want to stop this but its so hard iv been doing it nearly all my teenage life
from t x
1 comments:
Hi T
Not hurting yourself for a week is such an incredible feat. I am proud of you.
Yes you are probably good at hiding things, but are you able to talk to your mum or another adult. It's alot to carry on your own especially when you are trying to stop. I know for myself it helps if your 'accountable' to someone else, even a counsellor. If you can get to a counsellor you can work on the feelings of losing your Nan, grief is hard for any of us to cope with alone.
You are doing brilliantly but I know it is hard to do on your own. Even having self harmed 'for all your teenage life' it seems there is no other way, but baby you can change that as incredible as that seems now. You have started to form strategies by sitting with your family when you feel distress, a counsellor can help you build on that.
You say...
"i dont want to die i never have i just want some one to see my pain but they never do...."
often those closest to us don't and we are good at 'faking' that we are coping. Try, when you are feeling safe to talk to an adult you trust. It can often make the difference.
Let me know how you get on, keep talking to me and others. I think you are incredibly strong for sharing your story with us and I thank you for that...take care T...love Abbey
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