Weekly Update

I've come through a week that at best could be described as emotionally exhausting. Ive run the gauntlet on the entire grief process, numbness/exhaustion, anger/guilt, denial, tears & sadness.

One thing we often don't take into account with mental illness, etc is that those that live with it become finely tuned to themselves physically & mentally, to body & mind rhythm's, to any changes. I also believe that those who have recovered from adversity, ie drug use, self harm, sexual abuse have an incredible inner strength & boy did I need to tap into mine :)

This week when I recognised that I was going to face a personal/external crisis, of which I had little power, I reacted quickly, it was a definite out of my control situation. I acknowledged I would need strength and decided to work on what I could control. The first was what I ate, so I wiped junk food fast and ate 3 healthy meals (not my norm). I controlled my down time, I got out of the house to nature (even when I didn't feel like it). I created peace where I could at home, candles, soft music, phone off, no tv. It was a week of crisis meetings, accountability, communication overload. So I controlled my speach. I only talked when I had to. I couldn't control my sleep patterns, though I tried, they were shattered. I could however rest and lay down when I could.

I set boundaries with others, limiting negative talk near me. I grabbed my support people and hung on, I sought outside guidance (Important for perspective). These are my coping mechanisms and may not work for everyone. It has taken time and self regulation to establish what works for me. I didn't get here overnight and many things I tried over time haven't worked .

Its a matter of believing 'If I can over come_____________ (insert own catalyst) ie sexual abuse, drug use, self harm' I have the skills and belief to cope with anything. Its identifying what has worked in the past, recognising that one isn't coping, and using that skill again. So that has been my lesson this week, and part of my tuning into myself of a Wednesday is a simple recognition of 'How am I going', what can I change so I feel better with who I am, and where I am.