Gayle said...From the time I was eleven years old til I was seventeen, I would cut myself. a lot. Sometimes it would be once or twice a week. other times when I couldn't handle the stress, it was everyday. It's been eight months since the last time I last inflicted harm on myself by means of cutting/burning.
The main reason is my best friend. It was a particularly horrible day. I was cooped up feeling sorry for myself and taking a negative action. I had taken about ten of my sleeping pills and had completely ripped up my arms with a steak knife. I needed to talk to my best friend just one last time. I remember it was taking everything I had to keep the phone up. She didn't answer her phone & when the voicemail picked up I was crying so hard. I don't think anyone could understand it. I kept saying. "I'm sorry Lizzie I don't know what I did. I'll miss you. I love you Lizzie. please forgive me."
I passed out, the next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital strapped to a gurney. I was in shock. A few days later on my 17th birthday, I was sent to the state hospital. for therapy. I was there for nearly five months. near the end of my treatment, Lizzie had written a letter to my counselor stating that she kept the voicemail, and that I needed to listen to it..To see how it affected her. My counselor added into my therapy, for me to listen to the voicemail and write a letter to Lizzie telling her how I reacted upon hearing it. It completely tore me up when I heard what I put her through. I couldn't believe I would put that burden on Lizzie. I'm ashamed for what Ive done to my friends and family for being so selfish and stupid.
It's been a few months since I've got home, and I'm proud to say I've stayed smart in my choices. when I need help, I use my coping skills.[music.drawing.poetry.dancing] and if need be, I call my old counselor. I don't wish what I've gone through on any person or their families.
I had intended to keep my story to myself, but I guess something about your post made me feel like it was safe for me to share a small part of how I needed/got help. my piece of mind. Thank you for listening [reading] my story..x.
Gayle.x.
soo foo, so dak. <3>
Written: November 4, 2007
1 comments:
Dear Gayle, thanks so much for your honesty, I know its hard, it sounds like you are developing some new stregths, thats brilliant!, and although I don't know you i am proud of you.
As I said to Annonymous, it is hard to relearn what helped you since you were 13, but you are and thats fantasic....You friend Lizzie sounds wonderful and supportive..and often shame comes as you say from the feeling of 'God what have I put them through' but friends like Lizzie and often family, just want you to be well, that is thanks enough for them...
Keep in touch with your counsellor, keep a track of the positive things in your life, learn what your strengths are...Your doing great Gayle, & thank you from me for sharing, the more people who understand the better it will be for others...Love Abbey
If you want to contact me again feel free,remember always you are a valuable person...x
[Written: November 22, 2007 11:11] AM
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