“Those are burns?”“Why would you do that?”
“You don’t just go and burn yourself. What were you thinking?”
From any parent’s perspective, this situation would be extremely difficult. A child chooses to cut, hit, burn, or somehow intentionally hurt herself. It’s disturbing and confusing. Questions fire through your mind as you struggle to understand how this could be possible. You wrestle to recover, but the jab of those initial raw emotions spill out.
Like any parent, you hope your children won’t turn to self-injury. Can you prevent it? Or if a child is already involved in self-injury, can you change its course?
Like any parent, you hope your children won’t turn to self-injury. Can you prevent it? Or if a child is already involved in self-injury, can you change its course?
Possibly.
Can you at least make a difference?
Definitely.
Definitely.
You can nurture an atmosphere of relationship, conversation, openness, and safety. You can convey you are someone they can confidently go to with her deepest thoughts, hurts, fears, and anxieties.
To begin:
1. Watch for ways you can model how to cope through challenging circumstances.
To begin:
1. Watch for ways you can model how to cope through challenging circumstances.
2. Mend the relationship as soon as possible when you’ve responded in a quick or hurtful way.
3. Daily encourage and value your child’s expression of thoughts and emotions.
4. Listen well, with compassion and without judgment.
5. Be patient and let their story unfold without asking why.
6. Realize she/he might not tell you everything at once, and be okay with that.
7. Keep your own emotions in check and, if necessary, communicate thoughts later after you’ve had time to think things through.
8. Be trustworthy in how you handle information shared in confidence.
9. Involve her/him in the decision when you need to bring professionals or others into the situation (for depression, anxiety, or possible serious emotional disorders).
10. Remove your child from abusive situations and environments.
Children struggling would feel encouraged by an open, warm response. Instead of despair cloaking their days, they might begin to feel hope. They no longer have to feel trapped or alone or stuck in the cycle of self-injury. As they open up, talk and connect with family or the community, they’ll become aware they are moving toward healthy ways to cope. A day without self-injury will feel possible. Then a year, then a life.
It’s a process. It takes time.
And, more importantly, it takes you.
And, more importantly, it takes you.
2 comments:
I have been self-harming for roughly 4 years, although sometimes I would stop for months at a time and the slightest thing would set me back into a routine.
I am new to blogging and hope that by having a blog people will relate to my problems and share their thoughts and stories as I plan to do with others who have had similar experiances, such as yourself.
Twice the sad feelings have got so bad that I tried to take my own life, some of it is detailed on my own blog.
Its good to see we're not alone and as many people may think, we're not "freaks" or whatever else ignorant people may call us.
I have been in 2 psychiatric hospitals and its almost enough to put you off, almost, but at the time you don't think about that.
Ever since my friends and relatives found out about the self harm and after I was discharged from hospital they have been nicer than nicer, walking on eggshells and wrapping me up in cotton wool so to speak. Obviously my parents try to encourage me to talk more and if I don't open up or have a sad look about me one day and don't tell them about any problems I may have a big deal gets made and sometimes I have to make up some problem just to get them off my back, your blog entry on how parents may react to a childs self-harm was useful as I never fully considered how my self harming may effect them, I did consider it but not in as much depth as you have shown me and for that I thank you.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hi Ant-Gold
Im glad you felt safe enough to share your thoughts and feelings. The net is a good way to meet others and normalise what you are going through. We are all unique but also have similarities. The net however is no substitute for one-to-one human contact when dealing with SH so I'm glad you have family and friends that you can talk with.
I know there is prejudice out there with people calling you freaks etc. Im glad you recognise that you are not and yes the are ignorant to self harm.
First, I am not the mother of a SH, but I can fully understand their confusion and of not knowing the 'right' words. Think of them as being on their L's, in a way this has been thrust upon them and they are running blind...You know what your dealing with, what your thoughts are, can share with others as you have with me... they are just starting & they can't exactly go to dinner with their frieds and say 'Ant self harms whats your advice?'
but also, hard as it can be, don't feel guilty that helps neither you nor them. SH is a part of you, a coping mechanism. Its just not a positive one, similar to rage, drinking, drugs...you've got to the point where you want to change that which is brilliant but will take time and patience for both you and family.
and yes they may, to you, over compensate with questioning your moods, feelings, just try to continue to be honest (and understanding) with them. At least they are trying, many parents don't.
Personally I see SH as a family issue. Living in a group means that one effects the other & maybe counselling for them, or for both you both would help?
I hope to do an article a week on familys. Im glad you started a blog and will add you to mine. Don't be discouraged if you feel like your writing to yourself for a while. It takes a while to get established & I found that just writing and getting my thoughts down helped whether anyone read them or not...:) Its like moving in to a new town, it takes a while for others to know your there but I'd like if you dropped by and give me your input, which is valuable.
Talk soon Ant....Abz
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